lemonade

2007-08-27T23:30:00.001+08:00

Photobucket Album

2007-08-27T23:26:00.001+08:00

2007-08-27T21:28:00.000+08:00

“For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all,and therefore all died. And he died for all,that those who live should no longer live for themselves, but for him who died for them and was raised again.” 2 Corinthians 5:14-15

Worship is a reflection of what you & I value most. What do you spend most of your time,money and energy on? Follow that path and there you will find the object of your worship. In John 4:23 it says ‘yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshippers will worship the father in spirit and in truth,for they are the kind of worshippers the Father seeks’ In spirit and in truth… Id like to suggest that the truth here in this context refers to the promise of salvation that has been fufilled through the death of Jesus, that through him we’re not just able to inherit the riches of God’s kingdom ie. eternal life, we’re also linked, so to speak, with God. and I think that’s exactly what separates praise from worship. Any living creature that has breath and can speak is able to praise god, but only those which are saved are able to to connect TO god and WITH god in a two way relationship based on unfailing,unceasing love. Which leads me to think… while we are always on God’s agenda, is he always on ours? If he isnt, worship wouldn’t be exactly valid here now, would it? If it was a lifestyle as we like to call it, our life would be planned around God, whom we hold the greatest value in. Otherwise, God is only subject to your own convenience and pleasure. That’s how serious it gets.

If you read Matthew 4, Satan tempted Jesus three times.
Jesus replied first that ‘Man does not live on bread alone’

Then he really irritates Satan when he replies ‘Do not put the lord your god to the test’ to his next tempt.

Look closely at the last temptation that satan threw at Jesus.

‘All this I will give you, he said, if you will bow down and worship me’

To which jesus said, ‘Worship the Lord your god, and serve him only’.

This was satan’s last resort, that he would give Jesus the kingdoms of the earth and their splendour should he worship him. That’s effectively saying that in our pursuits for the worldly, we are indirectly worshipping the ungodly. Scary aint it.

Who are you really worshipping today? Re-structure your life to build it around what really is important to you, and let Jesus lay the bricks, because then not even the fiercest of storms can shake you out of God’s protection.

2007-08-26T01:25:00.001+08:00

The world’s an interesting place.

Comprised of intersting individuals with interesting characters.Im afraid that if I elaborate any further I run the risk of allowing the situation to spiral out of control. All I can say at this point is- woah I was disgusted at this interesting individual, turned off,shut down, whatever you choose to call it… I was traumatised. This leads me though, to an interesting thought. When they say that you need to learn to appreciate who you really are and should not try to be someone you’re not, it also means that you need to learn to look at yourself in the mirror every now and then and probably conclude that there are some things about yourself that need to be changed, for your own good and for the greater good of the society. The world does’nt revolve around an individual, we co-exist with other individuals who, positively or not- are interesting idividuals too, and so please please learn to be sensitive and aware about how you might be turning others off through what feels like a normal thing to do,to you-that is.

I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, that I’ll give to interesting individual X. laughs! But I absolutely had the right to be irritated.

Ties in with what darren shared during cell today though, love is a choice. Choosing to overlook the unlovable and look at the true value that lies in you,me,us. allowing jesus to build his throne in our hearts. Difficult, I must say. But not impossible.

Even at the start of this 7 week break till the next sem, I start worried about how I’d do for my papers. Yup, surrender, I know I need to do it, but I just cant bring myself to, I don’t know if ive effectively been able to surrender, but im sure as hell trying.Then again, it isnt about how hard im trying. It is about who I am directing my efforts at surrendering my future to-soooooo. I know that whatever it turns out to be, his will be done. I just need to move in faithful obedience and trust that He has my best interests at heart.

Uh-hurs. 7 weeks baby. Planned and ready to roll. (;

2007-08-15T21:58:00.001+08:00

放下所有的不愉快，对这你-我看到了希望。
就算是感到多失落，多沮丧-在黑暗当中我依然看见一道署光，对这我照。

2007-08-15T12:50:00.000+08:00

Create your own Friend Test here

This one’s pretty easy. Pleease pleease don’t score below fifty okay? lol.

2007-08-14T18:29:00.001+08:00

当我感到无助时，你是我唯一的依靠。

当我感到不知所措时，你为我带来了方向感。

当我感到悲伤难过时，你从新把笑容挂在我脸上。

当我感到身边的一切变得冷漠时，你给我带来了温暖，使我世界充满了你在我生命中留下来的爱。

无条件，无需求，稳定坚固的爱。

唯有你，能给我一股力量，做最后一轮的冲刺。

为我开路吧。

haha yep,gifford speaks/writes chinese too, it has just been ages since. Don’t laugh, pleeease?! :D

2007-08-13T23:11:00.000+08:00

Haha.. here’s a snippet of this cartooney version of hillsong’s “From the Inside Out”. I thought it was the nicest of the lot,though there were’nt many to choose from anyway but this song sorta relates with how im feeling today- so there you go, enjoy. (:

2007-08-12T03:13:00.001+08:00

Yes, I know I should be sleeping by now, or at least, studying. I don’t know… I really should stay away from the lappy, for just a week gifford! That’s not too much to ask hurs! :( William left me a comment today! William Nagata. What a pleasant surprise la! He’s prolly moved back to indonesia… I havent had the chance to talk to him just yet! Who’s next?! haha. I havent seen him, and the rest, for the longest time…and looking at how they’ve moved on with their lives, it feels almost indescribable, im led to look back at how Ive moved on with my own life since then… how things have changed and how ive grown.and I feel thankful,thankful to know how god’s hand has been upon me all this time, how he’s planned my life ahead of me.i’ll be honest with you though, im fearful about what lies ahead.arent we all.heh! And that’s where a constant reminder that every uncertainty about your future,every worry,every thing that weighs us down is an opportunity for growth should we choose to allow it to be by surrendering them to god- perks me up, because I know my future is secure in a god who is faithful to complete the work he has started in me.

There are soooooooooooo many things and people I need to start catching up with!

As soon as my exams are over okay! (:

In Bjorn.L’s words, my room’s a really really ‘conducive place to sleep in’. I couldn’t agree with you more, bro.

Untill next time.

2007-08-10T13:06:00.002+08:00

Quite an interesting turn of events, how one page led to another and there he was, the only primary school classmate I’ve come the closest to finding in almost 2 or 3 years. Its amazing,really. Of all time and places.

Saint Andrews-my days there were certainly unforgettable. Those were some terribly wild times! One thing led to another and here I am now, the rest have also moved on, went places and done things with their lives. It was great to hear that Darius is doing good… Justin has made it big in the world of cybergames I heard… Louis has moved back to the states. And I… I’ve got a story of my own to tell.

‘His forte is his Englih and he writes expressive compositions.’

‘He is an avid reader and he possesses a wide vocablurary which he uses to good effect in his compositions’

‘He is an avid reader and has the potential to be a writer’

Mr Fernandez. He stirred up my interest and love for writing.

American boyscout meetings and how his little sister was disgusted that I actually eat veggies. My writing competitor and best friend. Louis.

A gamer and self-proclaim cassanova, one who had all too many ‘girlfriends’, Justin.

The rich-kid who plays golf and…well. he’s just, rich. Darius.

Once a Saint always a saint eh. :D

2007-08-10T02:41:00.000+08:00

Happy National Day folks… heh! (:

Thus far has the lord helped us.

It’s not like me, to be the slightest bit excited about national day. but when I see god’s favour upon this country, upon its people- I cannot help but give him due credit where our achievements as a nation and as individuals are concerned. I realise how,if it were’nt for the hand of god- we’d be pretty screwed up. I’d be pretty screwed up. Heh. This week hasn’t been very productive, unfortunately! I need to start studying, seriously,for once in my life. pft. Getting up on thurs for a little revision before I go to school for tutorial was enough of a struggle as it is… I spent most of my morning just struggling to get out of bed ;D

And the rest of it on the bus to school. hee!

It gets tiring, trying to get inside your head. listening to how she makes you tick the way you do. You do realise that you know better,don’t you? You do realise that there is a way to free yourself, you just refuse to act-what will it take? And you. And you, and you. Its not my race, I tried to be there. Im worried, we all are. But this fight’s yours.

2007-08-07T17:34:00.000+08:00

:O A lazy Tuesday afternoon it is! Almost suffocating, literally. Haha. Here we go again, a two week break leading up to exams and I’ve cleared one semester in Ngee ann. Feels like it was just yesterday, everything happens in such quick succession...Which leaves me inevitably troubled by regrets. I know it is time to leave those behind though, heh!

I realise, in fact, laugh at how im constantly distracted by things that don’t even deserve my attention.It is quite ridiculous, really! All too often taken on guilt-trips I really should not start getting used to. I gues it’s the incredibly tiring and unproductive study routine and increasing frustration with things and people that call for constant surrender, it gets better yet, yes it does.

2007-08-06T00:58:00.001+08:00

It feels like im on a hiatus- from what and for whatever reason I have absolutely no idea. It seemed tempting though, tempting to entertain the thought that I could use this time away. While it could be a direct consequence of the issues involving the things and people around me that I love and care for, it could be something else altogether.It’s not like you gifford, to be like this- or is it a part of you that you’ve never cared to look at?

‘But let all who take refuge in you be glad;let them ever sing for joy. spread your protection over them,that those who love your name may rejoice in You. for surely, o lord,you bless the righteous;you surround them with your favour as with a shield.’ V 11-12

My spirit is heavy and burdened o god,but in your presence will I not cast aside all that weighs me down?
For you are greater than any circumstance, so lord will I fight with your strength, and I will go where you lead me.
Even in my darkest hour, my heart will proclaim your faithfulness all day long.
For if it is this i must go through that your will is established in me, then also will my heart rejoice along with it.

this is not for me to carry alone;i rest in the knowledge that you have always remained by my side
so today god, take your rightful place again.

Sinners seek devotion;

The lost become chosen.

2007-08-02T19:55:00.000+08:00

‘While Sins relating to attitudes might be subtle if left unchecked, it will always govern the way you think,feel,and finally influence the way you act’

This is the reason we’re always stumbling into a world of sinful desires and fleeting pleasures.

This is the reason why we act on impulse and let anger direct our actions.

This is the reason why we’re riveted by our needs and wants, even at the expense of another.

This is the reason why we draw lines and raise the walls to separate US from THEM.

This is the reason why we feel cold and uncaring.

Sin distorts reality.

Sin leads you to believe in that false reality.

Sin closes in on you slowly but surely.

Sin overthrows god’s government in the hearts of His people.

2007-07-27T00:17:00.000+08:00

Its been a while, no updates there has been! haha.
So here's a quick run on things!

four out of five projects were cleared, couldnt see how any of em wouldve worked out if it wasnt for jesus baby. lol. ;D

Two modules freed up, so wednesdays are freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed up too.
Urm.
Urm.

Think, gifford.Think!

After the fifth and final suck-ass project, exams are around the corner! :O

I spent $60 on 2 Skinnies and one striped shirt. HAH :O

I.Should.Stop.Spending!

Ive been cracking my head over codes,which, as ridiculous as it sounds,constitutes, my course! :O

Ive blessed one this wk! Reb!

I laughed my ass out during LMS when Ms Sen issued the challenges which involved fear management to three stunned individuals,the looks on their faces were- priceless! =X

Swim,Sam,Caleb,Feli,Zuosheng,Justin,Clem,Lawson,Chinwoo,Chia Chen and I spent the night with Perlyn to celebrate her 18th, dinner at fish & Co, attempted movie, the arcade, attempted starbucks,and pool @ the meridien, and a painful cab ride home. ($14's the damage- FYI :O LOL)

So there you have it, that was my week!

You know, I really cannot begin to describe for you enough how god has been speaking to me through the various events that put the week together, so to speak...but if it is one thing that was most evident about what He's been trying to say, it is these 2 words-

"Child-Like Faith"

it takes faith like that of a child for us to enter the kingdom of god.

Quite a tall order, if you actually think about it.
The simplicity of a child's life encourages him/her to dream, to trust,to hope,to believe.
Growing up,however, that becomes progressively difficult.
but that's where growth occurs.
Such a paradox aint it!

100K- are you a part of this movement of blessing?
Dont miss out.trust.me. heh.
;D

2007-07-23T22:21:00.000+08:00

Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust theirsouls to a faithful Creator while doing good. 1 Peter 4:19 (ESV)

The NIV translation reads this.

'So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful creator and continue to do good.'

someone texted me last night, I dont know you, Im sorry. What you've brought up in the text was disturbing, it threw me out of sorts for abit.Yes. Disturbing to know, disturbing to know that while we live in absolute complacency,indulging in fleeting pleasures that are justified, justified by circumstance- lives are in constant risk, just because they love. Just because they've tried to love. Consciously or not,thats besides the point. They carried with them truth, they've held on to what they believed could bring change.

and yet...

yet the people turned their hearts away. they refused change, because they were convinced change was impossible. because their circumstance had decided it was to be so. Or was it because they felt injustified,was it because they were threatened too? after all, they might have just been trying to protect their own lives.

What a pleasant surprise it was, that my mom and bro would ask that we pray together in intercession for the missionaries who were 'kidnapped in Afghanistan and threatened should Korea not withdrw its troops from the war-torn country'.In addition to that, conversations with a friend which set me thinking... I questioned. I challenge. I grew. I just couldnt... I just couldnt resist the urge to write. I couldnt resist writing, liberated. freedom resounds even while we bleed and cry, because we entrust our souls to a faithful creator, because we commit ourselves to a god that has our best interests at heart, what shall we fear? Because we stand, our lives in constant surrender- If we perish, we perish.

those are not easy words, you know.

thats why god didnt say you've commited. Youve entrusted.

You need to surrender. You need to trust.

If you fall, you fall.

Surrender. Trust.

2007-07-22T21:20:00.000+08:00

How long has it been now,since ive last written anything? Most times Id write only to arrive at the unfortunate conclusion that my thoughts just cant seem to find focus in the written word. Id lean back on my chair, my hands rest on the keyboard, idle. And Id think, Id think things, and they're just vividly racing through my mind yet...Yet never leaving a lasting impression.Distractions,one after the other,steal my attention. Worry. Frustration.

Id like to leave that behind.

2007-07-15T17:27:00.000+08:00

He sits himself quietly by the table. The constant pounding escaping the ceiling almost penetrates his chain of thoughts, chases away his sanity. He shuts his eyes, leans back on his chair and let the wind wash him over, so calm,so peaceful. Sometimes he's convinced that every part of him has lost the strength to fight, then again-what has he been fighting for? Sometimes he's dead sure the passion he holds inside is contained, stifled,whatever is left quickly snubbed out; by what? by who?

How could one ever grow to love in such capacity? How could one ever grow to love in spite of? How could one ever die in the name of? The absurdity of loving when it hurts so bad is a thought he never wanted to entertain.His breathing gets heavier by the minute, asphyxiated- by what? by who?

Bleeding compassion, inexplicably cold.
Love, in its name to death he was sold.

Then it hits him- it hits him.

Bleeding compasssion, inexplicably cold.
Love, in its name to death he was sold.

He folds his arms, draws one breath. Opens his eyes and looks at the world.

By what? By who?

By Us.

2007-07-02T22:32:00.000+08:00

He'd try to make something beautiful out of these stains.
He'd fight to find some place safe from a world that irrepressibly drains.
He'd learn that nothing could right those wrongs
How he struggles just to fight on.
[edit/]

Attention all readers! I'm experimenting with Wordpress now so there might be a switch and it could either be temporal or permanant! Keep your eyes peeled for updates on that. (;

2007-07-01T21:15:00.000+08:00

Christian------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Christ-follower

Being a Christian means You've accepted Christ.

Being a Christ-follower means you've accepted Christ and You're going somewhere in your walk with him.

Being a Christian might mean you try to attend church faithfully on sundays.

Being a Christ-follower means you dont just meet god on sundays. You meet him on Monday,tuesday,wednesday,thursday,friday and saturday too.

Being a Christian means you wear your sunday-best whenever you go to church-snazzy tie, check.
Designer watch, check. $50 bill for tithes and offerings, chhhh-eck

Being a Christ-follower means you pay more attention to your heart. It never was about how big your wallet was, it has always been about how big your heart is.

A christian says ' I am so blessed,so loved, so treasured,So..'

A Christ-follower remembers that without Christ, he is nothing.

A christian has seen the light of god's truth.

A Christ-follower remembers the darkness he came out from.

A Christian.thats just a title to carry.

A Christ-follower simply means a lifestyle. Live beyond the name brothers and sisters.We were called to deny our rights, pick up our cross and follow Jesus- not live in comfort and complacency.

Being a christian means Jesus happened.
Being a christ-follower means Jesus is happening.

So what would you rather be?

'If anyone would come after me,he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world,yet forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when He comes in his Father's glory with the holy angels' Mark 8:34-38

No, it aint easy. But we've gotta be the agents of change in our marketplace. We were called for such a time as this-so get your lazy asses off the ground and start walking with Jesus for real!

2007-06-29T13:04:00.000+08:00

Rawr. I got my Macroecons & Programming Ct pprs back on Mon! I think i did okay-

Programming -75/100
Macroecons - 14/20

I could've gotten 18 for econs! When we went through the ppr I realised that I actually selected the correct answers for 2 questions worth 2 points each, and then decided against them for the wrong answers.

-.-"

how clever right.

Lionel's right though,it was a good effort. I think the reason why I felt a little...urm. Disappointed? Lousy? I dont know... I cant think of a word to describe it.I just felt a little thrashy even after wy texted me about my accounting ppr- and it didnt show, one of those feelings you could suppress and throw on a smile to face the world with.Im dealing with it though, all through the week god's been showing me what it really meant to trust him.When things dont turn out the way we want them to, even when things are falling apart.Yup, he's still in control-we just dont see it. But that's just us- we need to see to believe, and so most of us dont see past tomorrow, who knows what the future holds for us? We spend our efforts on today,living in hope and anticipation for tomorrow,that it'll get better, that our feet will take us further. What happens when our plans fail us? Put your trust in the right places- when you knw and understand who ure trusting it becomes easier to pick yourself up after a fall, because you can count on a hand to always be stretched out to lift you up.

Thank god IAC & LMS projects were not due this wk! And that we're finally getting somewhere. HAHA.Switching to wordpress soon! Im thinking this wknd.

Anyway here's a rly swwwwwt song i rmb singing during chapel &/ or assembly back in SAJS.

HEH!

Take a listen!

For those of you who learn econs.
heh :D

Purchasing Power : (In Gifford's dictionary)The ability to buy (1) shades (2) sleeveless tops (3) Berms (4) Fossil Watch (5) Skinny Jeans (6) Skinny Tie (7) Belt (8) Canvas Shoes (9) Running Shoes (10) PSP ... the list goes on.
Purchasing Power : ( In god's dictionary) The ability to buy our love and undivided attention-it came at a high cost. He had to send His son as payment for OUR sins. Now you know how much you're worth?

2007-06-24T01:52:00.000+08:00

My heart is dry but still im singing

I trip and fall but still im living

Who knows what the future holds

But God to you i'll ever hold so close

To you a new song we'll sing

In our hearts take your place as king

We're broken and weak

But god in our lives will your work complete

woah,how time flies.

Haha yeah, my cousin's 21 today, so here's a shoutout going to Ben,to his first steps into the world of adulthood. awww. :D HAHAHAHA. alrrrright man. heh. that's four years to go for me,next up in line. what will 21 hold for me, i wonderr.haha.right now though im making plans for 18 so here's an advanced invitation, those of you reading, whoever you are- keep yourselves free on the 10th of April 2008-please? hahaha. Anyway Jolene, my lil cousin of 3, she's incredibly cute! effing funny. heh!

School re-opens this monday, as much as i dont feel like going back to routine & such, i know i have to. As much as everything inside me says 'gifford you know nothing's gonna change, you're a fire that will be quickly snuffed out because you're in all the wrong places at all the wrong times.'- i know it's time for a change. Its gonna be difficult-hell yeah. but god's with me.

I should stop sleeping this late,you know.

It'll take a world war to wake me up for 9am classes. LOL.

Night folks. Or is it morning. whichever, im lazy to think. hows that sound. HAHHAHA. lame.

2007-06-23T15:00:00.000+08:00

Cluster Camp Reflection

I think what I caught from this year’s cluster camp is a practical equipping experience from the lord to be a spiritual father, I could feel that right from the beginning, the lord was putting the love that I had, the love that wants to see my friend come to Christ,the love to see my brothers grow stronger in the lord, to the test. How desperately did I want that?

Desperation was the key.

And that was just what id asked the lord for, going into this camp! I was thirsty, craving for the lord to come and fill me again with a greater measure of his spirit to love the people around me. It’s not easy, you & I both know that its nothing to love the lovable, but I think god has been constantly challenging my love for the “unlovable” as well!

Being a superstar, not by the world’s standards, because god’s standards are way higher than that, and yet…What amazes me is how we can fight to meet the world’s standards and fail but we’re exactly how god likes us, nothing short! We set expectations on others and even ourselves, and the unfortunate conclusion is that the greater the expectation, the greater the risk of disappointment- but that’s not how it is with god! God’s love overlooks our imperfections, He is perfect YET easily pleased!

God doesn’t set any expectations in loving us, giving us His all but expecting nothing in return except that we love him with all we are too. So what gives us any right to do that with others?

I know he’s working in my life even now, teaching me how to love just as he did!

Lord I know I’ll falter, but even then- your hand is steady and firm, a gentle yet powerful reminder that you first loved me and because of that, I can love me for me and others for who they are, though we are imperfect- but god you take delight in our imperfections,through which you can be made perfect. So I pray that in you we will stand tall, your people will not be silent- like a city on a hill,we cannot hide! We will not hide, so let us burn bright. Amen.

‘You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden.Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on it’s stand,and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way let your light shine before men,that they may see your good deeds and praise your father in heaven.’ Matthew 5:14-16

2007-06-21T23:37:00.000+08:00

I was on the bus home one evening when a friend of mine texted me, apparently troubled & confused,he knows how he's feeling, doesnt like it one bit, but he didnt know how to deal with his emotions,whatever was affecting him, was affecting him really bad.
After every effort at consolation & cheering him up, i suddenly had a clear mental of picture of what all of it really pointed to.
Let's look at it this way.

Individual X = has a set of emotions to which he is reacting to a situation = a set of thoughts, actions, & speech = Individual Y

Yup, that's how the world works, my friend. Consciously or not, we run on our emotions, they affect our relationship with others, who just like us, are running this race we call life, its our own race, not a race to finish first, by the way, HAHAH.okay lame. but yeah, our emotions dont just affect us whether we like it or not, they affect other people as well somewhere along the way.Ever asked yourself why that boring math teacher screamed in your face for not handing in your assignment on time, and how you felt like punching him/her after tht? well,

Gifford = Bored = She's boring,why bother to listen anyway? Assignment? What assignment? + Inaction (doesnt do hwk -.- ) + "cher, got homework meh?" = 'Cher" = Pissed, frustrated, disappointed = He didnt do my work! Again! + Screams at Gifford + " You &*@#&! Get it done before five or i'll phone your parents and you'll be sorry!

Point taken?

one thing leads to another because we fail to look at what really affects us, it aint the people,well,not really,it all starts out because we feel the way we do, think the way we do, which leads to an action, and the whole cycle sorta repeats itself.And it will continue to, untill you do something about it. What causes you to react the way you do, i suggest, is your heart. So what's the condition of your heart today?
The heart is the key to all human relationships. You see, there is always a tendancy to love people the way we are loved by others, to work with your team the way your team leader used to work with you, etc, etc. In the same way, because we first tasted and experienced god's love in our lives, we should love people the way he loves us! there's a reason why i used 'should' here.

Because there are the exceptional few who break out of this chain,it could work postively or negatively.

say your group project leader doesnt work well with his/her team, you dont like the way he leads the team, if you do something about it and learn from this mistake, you might be a better leader when the time comes!

These are agents of change in a world where people are constantly caught in routine, routines that take them nowhere at the end of the day because they dont do anything about their situation. These are people who can, and will make a difference.

But there are others who also break out of the chain where god's love is concerned, and if they dont do anything about it, they'll fall out, the rest is history.

God never set any expectations in loving us, he just does!

So what gives you the right to set any expectations of yourself and the ones you love?

If thats what ure doing, if thats what you think you're doing, then maybe ure just not doing it right.

2007-06-21T17:46:00.000+08:00

There are 3 types of people caught in a tight spot.

#1 Thinks and seriously believes that their problems are way bigger thn they are,resign with the convenient excuse that it's just too much for them to deal with.

#2 Thinks that they are bigger thn their problems(no kidding!) so why bother? urm. yeah. every predicament is a chance at glory, untill they meet complacency.

#3 Doesnt think, thats what makes the third type of people a cut above the rest. They know with their heart and soul that god doesnt bring them to what he cannot bring them through. Your problems are as big as you are.

It isnt easy to see that when ure up against something that washes right through you and leaves you drained and cringing in fear at what might happen next- then again... the end of you is where god begins, & untill then, all its ever gonna be is just you, you, miserable you.

Where IS the end of you? I dont know, some people say its when they think they're stripped of their ability to deal with their problems,this is it- youve got me, we're good.

Id like to suggest that you dont need to be hit with a major issue pointing towards *hrm!* death before god can take over, because you were dead way earlier thn you think! it was then which you surrendered your life at the cross, it was also then which you acknowledged that you were completely unable, that was the end of you, that was where god has started his work, and rest assured, he will finish it- thats life for you,right there.

:D

2007-06-20T16:57:00.000+08:00

Say a little Prayer,put these worries to rest
It'll get better,this is but a test
Frustration plagues me,yet i know
This heart is not going to turn cold.

2007-06-17T23:27:00.000+08:00

A dependable shoulder to lean on to comfort troubled souls
A firm encouragement when failure tears down and frustration shows
You stand with us to laugh and cry
When we're taken by fear,when we even feel like we're about to die
You're a steady hand holding us quietly but firmly
When life shakes us ever so violently

we dont say this enough- but though we dont always understand your pain
You can count on us to be praying that in your life, god will always rule and reign
For all the love coming out of a selfless heart
Your sons,from your side will never depart.

As I know You- Gifford

to all who have been a father to me, and still are... thank you.

Happy Dad's. (:

ohh if you dont already know, i love writing. :D but i havent read a book from start to finish since, since...see,i dont even remember when! LOL. that's sad really! there's just way too many things that ive either wanted to do but havent,or set out to do but never finished.rest assured, i know its time for a change, and im gonna do something about it. haha.

2007-06-16T02:11:00.000+08:00

The inability to change your circumstance, the lack of control over your predicament, the futility of fighting your way out of a tight spot. frustration plagues you, empties you, changes you. we get tired of watching our backs, we're overwhelmed by the things and people life puts along our way.

beneath this exterior lies a heart that, at every beat fears it'll grow colder by the second.

im frustrated.that i have done almost nothing productive during the first out of two weeks of the mid-term break.that i. that i. that i.

fight back gifford, you know its what you were meant to do all this time,you know its gonna be tough as hell but you know what you're fighting for,who, and why.

you could use a little of your own advice every now and then,you know.

2007-06-14T17:02:00.000+08:00

Lionel and Terry's guys headed over to Nigel's place for an informal outing on monday... and boy we had buckets and buckets of fun... Nigel's really got the works man. a pool table, an xbox console, 3 or 4 guitars excluding the one that BJN brought? haha yeah so activities included those just mentioned along with a truckload of crap coming from people we'd never expect *points* and you *points* and... well, look how far we've come now. haha. it aint too long since none of us talked to each other for any longer thn 10 minutes, and there we were, things felt that much different. we had dinner @ chomp chomp,forked out like all my assets, but hey, it was all good la.heh.

caught ocean's 13 on tues with zu,brandon,daryl,louis and jon. urrrrrrr. it was alright i think, not a blast,nothing unexpected, pretty much the same witty humour,this time hinging round a plot for revenge. id rate it 3 out of 5! oh that was after the interview for ba society with clem and feli, which i think went okay... i was surprisingly all calm and cool about it, i dont know why either. hahahaha. we didnt jam, peanut butter or kaya! okay we didnt go jamming. -.- but CS made up for that. (: the noob made a little comeback with the second top frag, beating a personal record. he'd never hit that in one hour of cs ever in his life. so here's a toast, noob's leveled up. HAHHAHAHA. (X

did something crazy today. traded sleep for it, lost some spiritual ground there as well. which im working to take back. i know im being tested, i know. so you might have got me there satan, but dont get all smug on me. its too early.

oooh double shot coffee saved my life, haha one whole day without sleep, i could have just rolled over and died. hahaha. so thankgod for caffein, headed over to darren's house to do a little work and slack for abit before heading out to prayer meet.

Argh the ravages of time forces me to leave you so abruptly,heading out for dinner and choir prac-read me up tmw! will update!

2007-06-12T04:28:00.000+08:00

Cluster Camp

there were some really intense struggles and battles leading up to cluster camp, as always. since lionel lao pa(daddy in chinese)’s absence I could see that we were all losing our way and coming under heavy fire from the devil,one by one we were being tested, and one by one, we were caught off-guard,defenses down. like,say, when I barge into the cubicle when you are peeing, go for your shorts and run away with your cell phone or something. Clear enough? HAHHA x) what would you do, in that situation?

You see,the issue here points to one thing- contingency plan. Need I say more? what im talking about is not an attempt by the flesh to anticipate and prepare, but the condition of our hearts, do we always know who we can count on when the going gets tough, before we’re busted wide open do we know who will stand with us and protect us? do we know who we can trust? When we’re being tested ,how aware are we of the need to rmb who that is? well I think one thing to be thankful for here is the time whn bjorn liu actually suggested we meet up as a cell even while lionel is not around and darren actually set out to plan for this time together where we just prayed,for ourselves,for the people we were bringing,and for the camp. and god came through (:
this year’s CC is different from last year. for those of you who were around for last year’s you’ll know what im talking about.not giving a review so I’ll just share about what camp was like for me. I think I came with a heart that desperately wanted to seek god, to be broken and shaped and trained as a spiritual father. thats veh veh veh veh xin ku you know! hahaha! it aint easy! but I think that was me just asking big. bjorn liu stayed over before camp and we actually spent the whole night up talking. hahaha.
so that’s what it was, god training bjorn,darren,brandon and I,putting us to the test.

I know I was tested. haha.

Oooh hey. On a lighter note, my brotherrrrrrs! (: one of the things id prayed for was tht we would stand as one in the love tht has called us together because that’s gonna piss satan real bad I know he’s gon cry for his mommy. and yeah, its amazing how god has answered that prayer. but we’re just starting out now so let’s all build god’s establishment properly now,shall we? haha.

It starts because his people pray.
It keeps on going because his people pray.
It sees breakthroughs and miracles because his people pray.
Nations tremble and earthly establishments fall because his people pray.
It all starts out with a prayer.

With that thought I leave you,some snapshots from the camp for your viewing pleasure. (:

This is supposed to be a rose. HAHA. thankyou team 14 for the support (:

'I dont wanna be' by Yi liang and the band. loveeeeee that song.

Teddy sqaures off with Spongebob :O
Teddy's ours!
Project Run-a-way. haha. okay okay. project runway. (:
Fourth team to arrive out of TWENTY. way to go! :D

2007-06-12T04:19:00.000+08:00

Alrights…time to squeeze in a quick update before things whoosh by again and im caught up with way too many things to write. then my readers will be enriched through gifford’s weekly essays. (: HAH. that’s either good or bad right? it’s subjective la, I’ll let you decide. haha… id prefer to keep it short and sweet, chop chop curry pok, you dig? right, where were we!

COMMON TESTS!

I thought it was great,even though things just rolled over since programming there’s still reason to be thankful, because I know god’s in full control. What is there to worry about?

‘Therefore I tell you,do not worry about your life,what you will eat or drink;or about your body,what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than the clothes?…Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?’ Matthew 6:25-27

thats not to say we should just throw it all aside,now. trust and complacency are completely different altogether. Complacency says ‘throw it all down, someone’s gon clean up after you’ but trust says ‘god im gonna give it one hell of a shot, it’s all in your hands cos I know you’ve got it all worked out’ and seriously believing that he’s gonna come though for you because you choose to ‘seek first his kingdom and his righteousness’ it aint easy,we’ll give you that. haha. I struggle to stay out of the grey area all the time,don’t we all? haha.but i know things are taking a turn for the better, I feel freedom racing through my veins yet again. (:

2007-06-06T16:40:00.000+08:00

HEY. im back, im back now. haha. after all this time, after what felt like an excruciating ride through circumstances and emotion,im back. things feel so different,almost as if something came in and swept me clean, washed me over, and now im here, everything's the way it should be,or at least it is,to me. not quite by the world's standards, by the way. ;)

where ive felt defeated im brought back to a promise of victory.

where ive felt vulnerable im strengthened once again, by the spirit of god.

where ive felt like a failure i was assured that all of it could work for a greater good, if id only allow it to.

where ive felt inferior i was reminded of how i was fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of god, and yeah,thats just the way i like it thankyou. :D

where ive seen how things could fall apart just like that, i knew, i knew god didnt build those.

where life seems like a grey area every now and then, i knew i could see white clearer than those who didnt know him could, and now now, the paintbrush's in my hand.

yeah i was broken,only to be established again on grounds that still shake me up, but you know what? im getting closer each time,closer to heaven, and damn it looks good up there,i swear. ;)

2007-05-19T16:06:00.000+08:00

hey you. :D
im probably gonna close up this blog in the next few weeks or so, setting up another one with either livejournal,wordpress or xanga-this one's going to be restricted to selected people only, so if youd like to give it a read you could either text me or drop a comment on my friendster page.im setting up a MySpace account during this time as well. so yeah. waitwaitwait. haha. common tests are coming up so untill further notice keep me on your pages! hehs. have an awesome weekend.

2007-05-19T15:42:00.000+08:00

At last, the weekends have arrived. haha. there are just way too many thoughts filling my mind i feel almost suffocated at times. i seriously feel like i should start reading again... its as if im losing the ability to express myself in writing, like ive got so much to say but the words are just not coming out right. it leaves me feeling a little shitty,most times id end up doing away with the idea of blogging altogether because it seems almost too time consuming, and the routine of school life that im caught up in doesnt give very much time. so there you go, perhaps that might explain the failure to update... i think writing is something ive always enjoyed. i think words hold the key to a person's heart,a most powerful channel through which we use to express our thoughts and emotions.i dont wanna lose this voice.

my heart's screaming for a clearer perspective about where my life is going, im the type of person who would spend hours just thinking about the same thing and allowing the same thoughts to run in my head untill either im tired of facing what i cannot resolve or it just doenst matter to me anymore. or it does, i just dont think its worth my time.ive been held back by doubts and overwhelmed by uncertainty, pulled down by fear and wiped out by insecurity,all of it eventually leading back to the reality that i dont know myself as much as i thought i did. i thought i could see every intricate detail that motivated my every action, i thought i knew fully well who i was and i didnt need anybody to tell me otherwise. in fact, i thought that i didnt like to be me, it just became a sort of chore having to smile at the world and laugh away the sillyness of life as if id make nothing of it when i really did.like i didnt care what people think, and they thought it would matter when it does. there are a thousand thoughts racing through my head, fighting for attention. consumed by wants and slapped by needs, overwhelmed with commitment and responsibility but effectively tempted by fatal,brief spurts of enjoyment. satisfication meets longing in the wrong place and time altogether. questions that never seem to have an answer.

i have the key to unlocking a solution to all these problems.we all do. i just wish we wouldnt lose it so often.

hold my hand and walk with me
wipe these tears from my eyes and set me free
for i know none would understand
but if there will be one
if there will be one to hold this hand.

2007-05-18T23:07:00.000+08:00

SUP! ive finally managed to like, squeeze a little time out for an update. anyways... school's been good, i think even with the amount of projects and assignments tht are piling up along the way,i think what catches me the most is how god comes into the picture and throws in a little surprise every now and then and it just perks me up...its gives an incredible sense of encouragment to know tht all i ever needed was to take some time out of routine and look at the little things the lord's blessed me with in my life... i think its just sad, how some of us get caught up in routine,chasing meaning but often just resigning ourselves to the thought tht life was confined to just this, and this alone.we set restrictions for ourselves and never dared to think that there could be a greater meaning to the life that you're living now.

oh and one other thing.

how long has it been? six months now? i finally stepped into the basketball court again today.
and it felt so different, it was almost as if ive changed so much all this time, i dont know how i could best describe it for you-but it meant something to me,absolutely.well hey, ive got some work to catch up,and trust me,ive got loads to tell but i'll just save it for laters and not sound like im in a rush and everything.untill then... ive got some annnouncements! VERY IMPORTANT.

I might be making a switch to Wordpress,untill then please stay tuned cus i'll post the new address here if i do...and even then please please change your links accordingly okay? hahahaha.

im writing a new song! :D

urm...urm.. okay,thats about it la.

miss me!

2007-05-10T12:05:00.000+08:00

Right, for one reason or another, i dont seem to be able to make any adjustments to my post cus the labels that allow me to change my font style,colour and everthing, well,they're just all over the place la. hah! picture that,its crazyy really. haha.
ive been dying to update,but blogger just doesnt like me laaaaa. sad! :(
now it does, but a little less cus its not allowing me to do anything about my entry still. but hey, it lets me post so....yea,there you go- im here :D

where do i start where do i start where do i start?! rah,so many things,so many days,so many thoughts i cant seem to gather and put down just yet.wait till i settle into the weekend la, i'll have more to write then. hahah.

the week's been average, nothing really jaw dropping happened that deserves a mention or two here, hahahahaha. or at least not that i can remember at the momment.

well hey, GY-ians-really proud of my seniors for stepping out to try and bring Ultimate Frisbee into NP as a CCA- i think we have something really big going on here,and we're right on the verge of making history, what an exciting momment to be a part of! we're in the midst of getting approval, so all of you reading- please please keep us in your prayers, that this will happen and we'll make it really really big, its gonna be a hit! however it turns out, i think it'll be something for all of us to remember, but either hows, we'd like to see it come through!

HAH this is soooo random la. but im thankful that ive got some great tutors and everything,except for,one who's not so...urm.yea.you know. well. must i say it?? okay la,so he disappoints us a little,but hey- we love him,dont we?? (;

'Differences create the challenges in life that open the door to discovery'
here's some food for thought, chew on it a little, i hope it inspires and encourages you as it did for me. :D

see you round!

2007-05-01T18:26:00.000+08:00

i'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned

In awe of the one who gave it all

I'll stand my soul lord to You surrendered

All i am Yours

those were the wounds by which he bled

those were the tears of sorrow that he shed

our sins pinned our king on that cross

out of love he chose to bear that cost

For is it not you,o god that first chose to give us life,that in your death we could recieve it in full?

My prayer's that even as i settle into my third week at NP, i'll begin to see a greater measure of god moving in my life, for that faith to arise in believing that i will stand for the lost as a pastor in my marketplace. the scenes from this video(it is a lil explicit, i know. hehs.) were taken from 'Passion of the Christ', and i think Jesus' act of love aptly defined the word PASSION. Even as i was taking some time out from my assignments to watch this, i caught this idea again of what passion really is. it is a little more than what the world defines it by. and that little bit makes all the difference in the world!

Passion is more than just holding onto something so tightly just because you believe in it, it is actually finding it in you to do something about what you are passionate about.And within the context of my life i gues what the lord's trying t say is that i should take that step out of my zone of comfort and move in the measure of his love into my marketplace.

And so i pray, that in your spirit will i have that boldness to move wherever you call.

2007-04-27T21:00:00.000+08:00

YAWNSZX. hah i was so darn lazy today i almost cabbed t school la.shoots man,thank god i didnt! anyways,i thought you needed to be reminded again that i was so darn lazy today. HAHAHAHA yes, its funny gifford.'rived bout ten mins past ten into my first class for the day, POA tutorials.aightsaights, here's a need-to-know for you all reading, my POA lecturer's got the vibes of my geography cher back in secondary school,so yeah, its bloddy scary okay... and unfortunate. you could take it either ways, its just,bad! and the lift that takes you up NP's business block's always always packed by the time we arrive, so then we had t climb the bloddy stairs again, five floors up.

O_o

heh as gerald,weiyan and i walked down that corridor i swear that we were all praying hard tht it aint gon be her taking our tutorial class, we might as well just drop dead and die. LOL. which leads me here -------------------------------> X where id like to thank the heavens, it aint her. WEEEEEEEEE. hahaha! heh then i realised that i was not the only lazy arse around today. =X haha naws, i kid. gerald and weiyan were kinda tired as well.figured we might as well grab some red bull and down it to last the next 2 hours of lectures.lol.

the first 30 minutes of lecture was not exciting.Neither was the rest of it,actually. haha my batt was almost drained from poa tutors la. since i couldnt find a powerpoint nearby i walked up to the entrance and charged my lap for fifteen mins. and it lasted me through the lecture. whoooosa. AMEN to electricity. :D

Alvin just dozed la, LOL.

aye, my BCA tutor's a joker. you see, we have 160 pages of lame ass excercises on excel we need to complete before mon morn, and he was a lil nice about it, or so it seemed. told us that we could sumbit whatever we could complete by mon and everything else a lil later.but we're gon do lessons 5-8 that week. *^^%#@&^*&! that's the other bloddy half of the book uncle! haha. i suppose i'll manage la,the lord's gon bring me through somehow,like he always does. whoosa.

hah boon always cracks me up during classes man,he's another joker. lolololololol.

hah think im gon drop by SIM a lil more after classes to eat,the food's pretay good, me like. :D

loadsa projects underway,common test coming up in june.we're in for a ride man,sit tight. :S
when the gym just opp my house opens i swear im gon hit it three times a week at least. bwahahaha. untill that im trying to fatten up. seriously,dont laugh la! i know i can never be fat,dont be jealous, you could donate some to me okay? so that ive got SOMETHING to work with. LOL! 80 pages t go, shoots gifford. you know you dont feel like doing it today. bweahXsz.

2007-04-26T18:12:00.000+08:00

your day is only as good as you choose it to be.

hehs. a most unfortunate sequence of events brought me to NP today, seriously. haha.
i set out at like, 8.30am and for an hour only 2 buses passed me by,both were fully packed. in other words, no bus. :D haha.was supposed to meet weiyan at NP like 9.30? and by then i just decided to give boon a ring and we cabbed down,arriving at LT68 a full half hour late with 8 each ripped from our pockets. it could've pissed the shit out of me,really.for one reason or another i felt a little queasy on the ride t school, but even then the lord just pointed out that i could choose, to start out my day on the belief that this day sucks big time and things were just not meant to work out for me on the 26th of april,thursday , OR i could choose to start out on the belief that nothin could make this choice for me,not even the worst of my circumstances.and what really amazed me was how much easier it has become for me to make this choice.

of course thats not to say we should all get complacent if we react approriately to such a situation. you cant compare me with you! haha. cus in our own walks of life different situations are thrown in our way and we react to them diffferently altogether, what applies for me might not apply for you, what pisses the crap out of you might bring me immeasurable joy and such. haha you get the idea. of course not always to such an extreme la. hehs. but yea, as you rise above each situation, be assured that there's more to come. and they will test you just like before, its only gonna get tougher and tougher. but you realise that as you fall and pick yourself up,learn, and then continue walking, you pick up speed and at least you find yourself going somewhere. with that thought i leave you, ive got loadsa work to catch up on today... my weekend's gon be packed so i gotta finish my work just so i'll manage my sat and sun this week. and i skipped floorball training for this. pftb. choices. HAHAHA.

oh hey, here's a lil poetry that i wrote,its been weeks,yeah,so my standard of english is rusting but hey, i put some serious heart into this for like, 10 minutes of my life last eve so please please give it a read and show some love laaaaa. :D so i'll see y'all round.

Singing a love song for my king
Standing in your courts o god,what could I ever bring
Words could never really describe enough
nothing could ever compare to this love

Lying under this blanket of stars
Lord im remided of how you’ve redeemed me from my past
And so I stand before you just as I am today
with empty hands and no words left to say

so will you take this life and do with it as you please?

And not once let this love revealed in me cease.

gifford-

'we are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed;perplexed,but not in dispair;persecuted but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed' 2 corinthians 4:8-9

2007-04-24T07:40:00.001+08:00

‘let us fix our eyes on jesus,the author and perfector of our faith,who for the joy set before him endured the cross,scorning its shame,and sat down at the right hand of the throne of god.consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men,so that you will not grow weary and lose heart’ hebrews 12:2-3

god I ask that your spirit will take its rightful place and have free reign in me again

even as i was bout t turn in this morn, feeling a lil flustered I picked up the guitar(yea,that half-wrecked guitar.she still sings,now aint that sweeet?heh)sorta starting out with a mild switch from G to C i begun praying and the lord wasted no time at all in speaking the words my heart so longed to hear all week. well okay… it didn’t exactly come in the form of a voice that pops up and the works,don’t get me wrong,I was the channel through which god would use to speak to me. haha yeah yeah, take your time to digest that. its ME,supposedly, speaking to ME, the words ME needed to hear, from ME? no, from the lord la deh. hahahah! confused already right.

ANYWAYS…heh. the lord brings me back to this > song. At the cross. the lyrics to this song were what the lord knew my heart needed to be reminded of again.

right there and then,I was filled with such intensity and measure of the holy spirit and my hands never grew tired,I could never aptly enough describe such an experience with you, but I assure you, this one thing the lord has to say to all of you today,do not lose yourself to routine,as every chapter begins in your life, look back to your first love and rest once again in the salvation that comes from christ jesus, for it was only in his death on the cross that our life could first begin,and it is at that point every situation,every circumstance,every predicament, has been surrendered and we can live victory.

‘seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all this things shall be added unto you’

It all starts at the cross.

those were merely tears that were shed

lord what is that compared to the wounds by which you bled?

it all starts at the cross

without it id be so darn lost.

heh this is a pretty awesome movie y’all.go watch it okay?

oh hey,the message behind this sorta ties in with what the lord spoke to me as well. heh. :D do not lose yourself to routine,take that step out every now and then.learn t appreciate the lil things in life, they give that extra spark you need to continue walkin,as boring and tiring as the going gets.

SP3! woosa.gon watch that next week with the GY-ians. :D

2007-04-21T01:00:00.000+08:00

‘A man reaps what he sows’

the lord ‘s been reiterating the importance of my need to understand completely what this means. Its really not as simple as you think, do not take it at face level! Untill you live and experience this word for yourself, all its ever gonna be is another catchy statement.untill you do, it becomes simpler because you learn to recognise cause and effect, action and reaction,the theory that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction is more than just another boring sentence in a -textbook that you are forced to be well aquainted with.

galatians 6:8 says, ‘the one who sows to please his sinful nature,from that nature will reap destruction,the one who sows to please the spirit,from the spirit will reap eternal life’

that’s right. every choice you make gives rise to a possibility of outcomes, and they could be good or bad, it does not pivot on the grounds on which your choice was based, it pivots on the CHOICE itself.why,you ask.compromise. which leads to justification later,which blunty put- is what we call an excuse. we find ways and means to disprove the severity of the consequence because it supposedly started out with ‘all the right intentions,not out of deliberate malice or bad will’.

after which does it affect the outcome? not the slightest,no. it was through justification and compromise that sin was conceived in Adam and Eve. And right till this very day although we do not live the consequences of sin because ‘he who knew no sin became sin on our behalf’ … you know how the story goes- sin is still very much in existence. we could never live completely free of sin, but we could strive to live against sin. every choice you make,every decision carries with it enough power to show how much of christ you have in you, and equally so it has the ability to put the name of god to shame.looking at it this way,its not really all too difficult to choose aint it? haha everything else is pretty much walking with god,take time to reflect on how much of that it’s gonna take for you to make a certain choice in your life that appears wayyyy to difficult,and the means by which such a choice would be made easier.

ive struggled with making a choice,all of us have im sure.this choice involves(yes, you guessed it) sin. where god is concerned its always a matter of black,or white. walk the world’s way,sin. walk the lord’s way, no sin. and then satan throws in the grey and everyone gets so bloody pissed. haha cus that’s precisely what he wants! to make your choice a lil more difficult, to convince you that maybe you could have the best of two, why not? the bible says this ‘let your yes be a yes and your no be no’ and this ‘if you are not with me you are against me’ he didn’t say ‘if you are with me physically and not with me spiritually you are still with me,everything’s still the same’ and today during cell anchoring on what bjorn shared about how the lord has also pointed out to him the meaning of reaping what you sow,the lord sorta revelead to me that it all comes back to the seed that was sown,not so much of the fruits that come thereafter. why is always easy for us to sin, feel all guilty, seek forgivness and then turn full circle the very next momment?

god points out the reason in proverbs4:23 ‘above all else guard your heart,for from it flows the wellspring of life’

lord my prayer today is simple. search our hearts. You know our ways, you know how we think and why we think the way we do. You know what drives our every action. remove the seeds of strongholds in our lives so that you could take root and establish in us, that our every choice, thought they could never be perfect, will at the very least reflect your glory because we know that you were crucified so we could be free from the chains of sin and we can live in victory. Amen.

2007-04-19T01:40:00.000+08:00

heyy… :D:D mmm.first day of school at np,it turned out ay-okay.nothing spectacular like id make it out to be,not all too boring either. hah yeah…so there you go- it’s all good nontheless, you see a lil familiar faces here and there(yay yamataiiiiii-) but that’s bout it really! settling in. :D

NP’s a fresh start altogether for me, and ive set out with the determination that im gonna double up my efforts and work toward 3.5 for my GPA score. of course, as i begin to settle in and get a feel of the pace and the workload that awaits, there will be adjustments to that aim. Only higher. Hahaha. and no, id not forget my fair share of fun as well.

on a lighter note! Checked out canoe training today, lol it was pretty tiring la!tho at the end of everything the thought of how id actually made it through was like the ultimate kick,cus no… ive swiftly disappeared from the ranks of the fit and fitter since don’t-know-when. hahaha. yeah and did i mention,the girls were like suber fit, i might as well just kill myself la. hah! the thing that sucked was that training was gon burn my weekends, and after weighing my options it was clear enough that as much as canoeing would earn me a hot bod and if it works out to be a passion, buffing up while doing what you love doing best is just a bonus that’s still too hard to resist. all this aside, it clashes with commitments that i have at church so yeah, im gonna take a step out in faith to honour god above all else and trust that he’s gon lead the way to a better cca. and so you see that it begins with a choice- ive weighed my options and no, I don’t think where I stand at the end of it is gonna be any less of where I would have been should I have went with canoeing.i think its gon be a whole lot better.

so will you stick around for that day? :D
'seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,and all these things will be added unto you'
hot off the press, hihs choir-you have done us proud with the GOLD for syf;grats,your efforts paid off.

:D whoosa! heh.

2007-04-15T17:15:00.000+08:00

‘tho an army besiege me,my heart will not fear;tho war break out against me,even then will I be confident’ psalms 27:3

school’s bout t start… so there you go, we’ve come to the end of my days in rotting! lol. pretty excited about seeing yamatai peeps round campus…i don’t know bout the rest of the freshies la,i certainly had buckets of fun at baoc, prolly cus i was dancing so i skipped the boring bits here and there…hahaha. however it turned out… yamatai’s leaders were of one heart and I think tht was crucial in putting this all toget,that is what makes any team a success.and i think that’s the way it is with god too!
If we were to lay down our defences,look past our differences,forsake our own selfish desires and abandon our closest hopes and dreams,and see that we are of one spirit, if we were to fix our eyes on the life that we know we should lead not out of obligation but simply because that’s how god has called us to live-the obedience of which promises an abundance of blessings that far quench the thirst in you than anything else the world so claims to! ive realised tht ive tried t live out of the best of both worlds,live a righteous life for one day and chase after fleeting pleasures the next. the source of which i also realised was confusion.most of us are confused about what we really want in life- we think this is it, but it changes based on our circumstance- what we want pivots around what we think we can have,what we think we need to have.wht happens next after these things disappoint?what happens after you realise that you cant have these things?

‘if the lord delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm;though he stumbles,he will not fall,for the lord upholds him with his hand’ psalms 37:23-2

do not be confused, but be assured that should you choose t walk with god,you will stumble, but you will not fall. You will fill empty but he comes in and fills you with the strength to walk on.

2007-04-14T22:10:00.000+08:00

whoooosa!its been bout a week since aku last posted anything.hahahaha.so many things have been taking place along the week… its gon be difficult t squeeze all of it into one entry without running the risk of you getting bored. HAH,but yeah,here’s the gist of it, I know y’all are gon love me for keeping it short.lol.

for starters id like to say a word of thanks to ALL of you who sent your birthday greetings in the following ways…
1) Personally
2) On Msn
3) Ring
4) Text
5) Tagged
6) Dropped testimonials
7) Telepathically

This also goes out t GY8 for the sweet sweet seranade- and for the peeps who blew holes in their pocs for dinner at swens with me on tues night. thaaaaaanks.
Hah there’s like so many people to thank-

1) Perl, yamatai’s SC/GL for picking jon,gerald and aku out to dance for yamatai- was a great honour to,and i can safely say all of us dancers had an awesome time rocking the house to the glory of Yamatai! lol!
2) it aint the easiest thing t pick up any genre of dance and perfect it in 2 days, but hey- this was where all the GLs/Scs/SBs/Scos came in, and y’all are bout the awesomest people for all that time and effort spent to work with us on our dance and throw out pointers for improvement t make it look so ass-kicking la! hahah!
3) all of yamatai’s dancers, jon,gerald,samuel,zhanyi,guoping and the gals- hey,we made best dance- :D

i don’t have all the pictures in yet- for your viewing pleasure,these are bits and pieces i got from the dancers- post BAOC 2007- Ba’s freshies.enjoy.

the lord keeps bringing me back to this verse in romans 8:28

‘and we know that in all things god works for the good of those who love him,and have been called according to his purpose’

it always serves as an apt reminder that everything and everyone can be working against you, but if we anchor ourselves in the love of god, we can be ‘hard-pressed on every side,but not crushed;perplexed,but not in dispair; persecuted but not abandoned;struck down but not destroyed’

the thing about this phrase ‘his purpose’ is tht we tend t confuse it with ‘our purpose’,and the reason why is pretty simple actually. cus we fear what god reveals to us about what he wants in our lives.cus we dont see how what god wants could ever fit in, and we think we could steer our lives in a better direction.

and for that reason we fabricate another purpose altogether,one that makes more sense;to us that is.and we spend all our efforts in a fruitless pursuit, the end of which leaves you just as empty as you were.put an end to these futile pursuits today,they lead you to everywhere but the place your soul desires to be the most-where you can meet god. and the world instigates these outwardly pursuits so that we look everywhere for god in this world but ourselves.

the kingdom of god isnt really as far as we think it to be, do not be decieved! Within each of us the holy spirit has deposited seeds of faith,and should we tap into the right source,from this seed will spring forth fruits that bring restoration, redeem you from the stains of your past,and free you from living as a slave to fleeting pleasures and in its place will immeasurable joy take root in your heart-because you love the lord, he stands with you,and because he stands with you, nothing can stand against you.

2007-04-09T19:53:00.000+08:00

anyone's gon watch this with me? :D

another busy week awaits me- orientation prog starts tmw,its gonna burn my weekend as well. but hey- im pretty sure the lord's got something for me there. after which i'll prolly be catching a movie with my churchies,then we're gonna have dinner some place. haha churchies. so see y'all tmw folks. im gonna be up past midnight today so text meeeee text meeee. (:

orientation prog says this-

10th april 2007(tuesday) : Meet your academic manager/package and bonding day

11th april 2007(wednesday) : CCA breifing and sports and games day

12th april 2007(thursday) Convention Day

13th april 2007(friday) : freshies camp

anyway,this just in. ive been posted to this group they call YAMATAIKOKU.

YAMAN. ciao! :D heh.

2007-04-09T18:29:00.000+08:00

totally digging switchfoot yo! haha.this song’s pretty emo man,I like.
schools’ bout t start… I don’t know about you, but it’s a fresh chapter altogether for me… there’s always this fear of how you’re gonna fit in and everything, like how are you going t find your place with the people in school.always felt that way,and always will. haha.whats different I think is how the lord puts this excitement in me, to meet new people and things.i feel like ive grown far out of secondary school days already la.i don’t know how i could best put it in words for you man, but I think all of you sharing this stage of life with me get the drift.haha.

beckoning in new days with me was ignez, the princess and bundle of joy to the DE tribe. even as danny and evelyn commited their baby girl to the lord on the 6th- it was to us, a reminder of how all of us in this tribe have grown in our walks of life for a year around her. she’s always brought a smile to our faces when we most needed it, just cradling her would bring such joy that you could,at that momment,laugh away the cares of the world just by holding her close to you and pinching those chubby little cheeks. haha.

but yeah- it got me to look back at how ive walked with god for the past year or so.who knows what life has in store for you in the years to come? its always good to take a step out and look at how the lord has been faithful-it just spurs you on to continue to walk right with him as tough as the going gets.

the past weekend was a reminder of how god loves us-even when we feel like our lives carry the stains of sin,sin that cannot be washed clean from our conscience,sin that makes us unworthy of love, sin that robs us of our value, sin that makes us feel empty and rejected from the world at the end of the day.the lord was brought to his knees so that we could stand again,figuratively speaking, so that we could walk free from the chains of sin. He who knew no sin,became sin on our behalf. he was crucified so that we could walk as free men,not in the ways of this world, but in the light of his risen glory.

‘…and being found in appearance as a Man,he humbled himself and became obedient to death-even death on a cross!therefor god exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name,that at the name of jesus every knee shallbow,in heaven and on earth and under the earth,and every tongue confess that jesus christ is lord,to the glory of god the father’ ephesians 2:8-11

where’s the proof? all this talk about salvation and how christianity changes lives is not just a cover up of a reality we’re afraid to admit.its so much more than just that and id tell you straight up that jesus exists, and id be willing to show it to you any day.cause here’s a life that’s found meaning, here’s a life that is valued, here’s a life that knows jesus.

2007-04-09T16:37:00.000+08:00

whooooosa! NEW SKIN. and so it is time to bid farewell to all the late nights up searching.wouldnt say its exactly what ive wanted or set out looking for but there you go, its good nonetheless! heh. of course there's still the issue of space to iron out and everything- im on it man. its gonna look BANGING in no time at all i promise.

:O

hellllllo monday! it doesnt feel like it but tomorrow's my b-day man. oooooosh! :D heh where do i start... its been one hell of a week la!
every second leading right up to TGIF stressed the crap outta me but hey,the lord brought me through and i wanna give thanks for that! haha!id be just about the last person you'd choose to lead games for a crowd of 150 people,yet little did i realise that the absurdity of such a choice,or so it appeared to me-would work out for the greater good of both the people, as well as my co-host and aku! its shit really,when time's working against you and working out the logistics become the least of your problems. cause then you also need to have that chemistry with each other so when the occasion calls for it, you can think on your feet and act accordingly without risking a dip in the 'high' that you went to such great pains to stir up.that we did, promptly. then again there were the hours spent at the laptop, typing away like there's no tomorrow and trying to no avail to come up with that something extra that would give it that ooooMPH we were looking for. fresh out of my rotting days this proved to be a life-threatening task. haha woooopsey =x
haha yeah,and so it was a demoralizing week for us as friday drew closer, that fear in my heart cast a shadow over my spirit and my confidence level plunged to an all-time low.

thursday's rehearsal was like a slap in the face for me, i went home feeling a lil shitty about myself but as i settled down by my bed- tired and fussed, the lord just breathed into me such incredible rest,that as i felt prompted to lose the script there was just this awesome feeling of release-and i felt like i was ready to take on the world. haha. you see,there are always times when i run on empty and end up feeling all crappy cus i got so caught up in that momment that i begin to lose the very essence of who im really running this for. but the lord always brings me back to this word, and so i come on home again,not dispirited, but affirmed.

'...for we know that in all thing god works for the good of those who love him,who have been called according to his purpose...'
Romans 8:28

note that what we perceive to be good may not always be what the lord sees is best for us,and so we often get caught up in that momment and feel all crappy because we don’t see the full picture- what we see is a shit-ass situation and no way to get out of it .but if you could pause for just one sec and capture god’s heart behind your problem, if you were to align your heart with god and trust that something good will come out of this-then you find the peace in surrendering to the lord and the joy in receiving the real blessings he has intended for you all this while.

the lord told me that ‘son,its not about how you’ve prepared, or how much of yourself you have put into this,it really is about me and the reason why you’re doing all this,is so that the hearts of my people will be turned to me and they will be able to rejoice in their salvation because they experienced a god who is real in their lives, and this is how its going to happen-from you.’

the lord convicted me of how id lost the essence of the very event i was planning for all through the week, and even as the committee went into a time of prayer before the event, i repented before the lord and thereafter his spirit flowed freely in me and through me. I don’t know how lisa felt,but I believe she felt the same!because we set our hearts right with god, he is faithful to use us as channels of blessing to the people, through breaking the ice and readying the ground for which his word,word of his unceasing love-could be planted. you and i at tgif know that we had an awesome awesome time.

i know i did. (:

2007-04-04T22:33:00.000+08:00

look away and feel empty again
look back and revisit the pain
sweet innocence
sweet ignorance

those words were easy to say
like we were always made to be this way
then one day you went away

you take me places
you said you'd save us
how could i fail to see
that you were never here with me

you take me places
you said you'd save us
how could i fail to see
that jesus you were always here for me

snippets from a song that i just wrote as i was on the guitar,stuffed from dinner cus i was so famished from skipping lunch i cleared everything like super super fast.haha,yeah.it was written in ten minutes,the rest was pretty much just fine-tuning.and its still work in progress... alota effort to be spent on this to give it that extra something t be remembered by...yeah thanks ben for giving it a listen. :D
spent the entire afternoon at Macs working on the games and god is just the sweeeeeeetest thang,its all by his spirit that lisa and myself could accomplish all that we did- the time was pretty productive.

2007-04-03T14:54:00.001+08:00

You know how a blog entry would usually go- throw out all the good,the bad and everything else. and with a skillful play of words-there you go,my day. hey -it sucks here and there but something good came out of it, or at least at the end of everything- for all the shit ive had to take, I certainly need to feel better about myself and I think my friends should affirm me as well! ive given this some thought, and I laugh at the level of maturity and depth of thinking that could motivate such intense actions verbally and physically- to tear down with insult, to justify by mocking, and to loosen the tension by ‘tightening the noose’.

You loosen the knot and add pressure to it at the same time.

to allow your circumstance to decide for you if you should be a brother or if you should go against your own kind. then I also question your character,I question EVERYTHING that you so claim to stand for. not that im in a position to judge freely and act based on my judgement as he did- again it humours me that one could do so and fail to see the consequence of his actions after all this time.

for the seed of judgement that you so freely planted,such is the judgement you will also reap in due time,my brother.

i know on my part I should have gotten sense into you before sin blinded you from recognising any.i will not attempt to fabricate a lie and live with sin just as you just did,I remain unaffected, i just question. I question your identitly because clearly you lose it everytime when sin blocks all sense from coming into you and leads you to think you were right, and will always be. I question the stability of your emotions and the ground on which it is based. was it my fault? to you id say absolutely.even if it is not, id say i was at fault.does it pain you just to say those words? it does not? then I also question your integrity- your stand could very well be circumstancial.if the factors are all working against you what would you have to say? If it shakes you up right to the very core, what will you reaction be?

if it pains you then good- you are learning. yeah, this post comes across as a little serious and intense but hey- it is based on what ive had to take from a brother I always prayed would walk righteously with god,and from this episode I realise that this was the seed that he has planted way back then,the seed of judgement- and that same seed in due time reaps judgement,circumstances work against him and he is blinded from sense, denying righteous ways and walking away from god.

Am i disappointed, you ask. no.

At the very least I deserve to make the whole situation known and throw out my side of the story and how he has been unreasonable and everything,how he pisses the crap out of me?

no to that as well.

cus ive grown out of this, ive come to a point where im just gonna deny my rights and not make futile attempts to look justified in front of the world, im not putting up a hypocritical act. god knows my heart best and he’s gonna deal with that- why should I let anyone else decide how I should make my own decisions? i have no right,not even to my own life. what can i call my own? there are people who are coming of age and still live in the mindset that their circumstances control how they think feel and react without realising it is so, and its just sad.

it is god-given,this ability to think,reason,weigh and judge. but good seed planted on futile ground will reap nothing. worst- good seed planted on the wrong ground reaps destruction and ruins the harvest.

give that a thought.

It’s an in-your-face kinda reality,im not sure how many will be able to catch this and take it well enough to work for their own good, but then again im just being real for real’s sake, because this is exactly how I feel and based on THIS ground I want you to know that I will surrender my ways to god and be accountable to him- if it is righteous then so be it. If it is not- then there will be direction on how to move on from here.

I do not anticipate a time where he will acknowledge anything,anything at all. i await only to hear from god and besides that, I will just concentrate on serving god with all that i have and allow him to have free reign in what happens in the days that remain to TGIF,right up to TGIF itself. his work is still to be done, and nothing the devil attempts is going to throw me out of this course. Im not gonna let it. and if that fails,it fails. ‘If I perish,I perish.’ god’s in absolute control,what need I be fearful of? It is an extreme,really. but like I said-this is how real I have to be with myself in order to learn.

‘the one who sows to please his sinful nature;from that nature will reap destruction;the one who sows to please the spirit,from the spirit will reap eternal life.’ Galatians 6:8

I see how the seeds ive planted in the past are affecting the things of the future now, and im asking god to remove these seeds from my field so that it receives life from the spirit again and produces good crop in place of the destructive ones.

are you?

2007-04-01T01:47:00.000+08:00

hah. its been an incredibly long time since i last posted anything la! its been a great week id say… less stoning and a just a leeeee-tle productive for the first time since i-don’t-know-when. heh yeah,there you go- spill the dirt,gifford. woooopsey. hahaha. some noteworthy mnts included

-a laptop;ms yee’s bday,prayer mt,TGIF reh,core grp and cell today. right,that’s the big picture for you,just the outline of it all-really. lol.
and in retrospect,I ask this - ‘so where was god in my week?’

god’s always with us,that’s besides the point. but isnt god only as close to you and I as we allow him to be?

sometimes our words say one thing but our actions say another altogether. we acknowledge jesus during service and when we attend cell-and promptly deny him thereafter. Its always easy to return to the past and revisit that old sin that has held you back for so long-and yet to take that step out of unrighteousness requires a great deal of effort. I think it all comes back to faith – do you really believe that we were all made in the image of christ and are called to live as he did, to strive to be christ-like as far as possible? no,seriously-do you think that’s a possible thing at all? It is at your own discretion,really.i don’t think we could ever be entirely like christ-but i certainly believe that we were made in his image and therefore to learn from him is not at all an impossible feat.i see it as a great opportunity to learn,not from a ‘great high preist’ or the ‘prince of peace’ although he is all of that-but from a mentor.someone who is real to me in every way I could possibly think of.i follow jesus because he shows all of us that he too,was once like us-vulnerable,subjected to verbal,emotional,spiritual,physical abuse,felt alone,rejected,tempted,tried… he too felt the pain of betrayal,denial,every thing YOU and I have and/or will go through at many points in our lives. could he have done differently? Yeah,deffinitely. that choice would weigh heavily on the heart of god then! cus it means that you and you,and you,AND you,and YOU,and you and everyone in this planet will not be around today. but because we choose to believe that because of that we live not in defeat but as victors in every aspect,we know that we can live like jesus did. WWJD is not just a catchy phrase, it should set you thinking on what you would really do if you were jesus,not because you are,but because you CAN be like him.

sidetrackkkkkkkkk. wooooopSEY!

anyway. where was god in my week, I ask. well as with every noteworthy mnt that was listed above-god had something to say to me. these were learning points that I now know god wants to use to tear down the work of the devil and build his house!and I begin to realise that as you surrender to him all that weighs you down,he uses these things to lift you up.he turns it all around to work for your good,and in the most awesomeeee ways most times. :D

some random shouts from the week-

BGR;that’s for me and him t know and you to….never find out.

the laptop is just the one of the sweeetest things my mom has done for me along the week so this goes out to her;

people say friday the 13th is –CHOY!- unlucky.whatever la, I think friday the 30th is swaaaaayy-er babeh! laughslaughslaughs.

TGIF- thank god im free;yeah, you are cus jesus settled your debt man,so be thankful and come have afternoon tea with this awesome friend of mine,he doesn’t have friendster,myspace,multipy,tagg, or msn by the way-he doesn’t need such primitive technology to communicate with you. how does he do it! You ask. come and he’ll show you some out of this world technology.no,seriously.he promises you a great time la!

Ms yee; you know we love you laaaa. we pray for the rest of god to be upon you and he’s strength even as you bring your choirs into yet another season of SYF. god honours your efforts and he will be faithful!

Peppermint green tea with milk is my thing, sweeeeet treat. (;

-You will not drink tehpeng,you will not drink tehpeng, you will not drink tehpeng. Its not good for you,its not good for you,its not good for you.

HAHAHA! will do a little research and post the health risks of drinking tehpeng. Shooots la,it just so happens to be one of my all time favourite indulgences. Ptfbbbbbbbbbbbbbb. heh yeah, I will not drink it again tho-please please please if I go out with you and ‘accidentally’ call for it,don’t be all quiet and then use this to sour the peppermint green tea with milk out of me okay! don’t ah!

haha. I rest my case here.yawnnnnn.

2007-03-30T12:42:00.000+08:00

‘and we know that in all things god works for the good of those who love him,who have been called according to his purpose’ romans 8:28

At some point in our lives , you and i would have felt let down by our circumstances, then it appeared as if everything was working against you- and you couldn’t hold out. what was your decision then? perhaps you’d have walked out, said ‘hey- it just wasn’t meant to be…’ perhaps you didn’t- tried to hold out a little longer. whatever it was-take heart today in the fact that you don’t need to carry the weight of world! cus that’s what jesus did for you and i- that is why,my friend, we do not need to trudge on in this road we call ‘life’-weighed down by our past, held back by our sin and halted by our burdens. jesus carried all these in the form of the cross,that through the shedding of his blood by a tormenting death through crucifixtion we could receive redemption and live as free men.

do not be discouraged because the odds are against you.do not be dishearted because things are not working out.do not open your heart to fear and disappointment.do not walk out today and live in regret tomorrow. you make one wrong turn after another, and the devil says ‘hey, you’ve had a good run.but this is it,im afraid.this is as far as god allows you to go.’ and yeah,nine out of ten of us choose to believe so.

I know I have.

‘for I know the plans I have for you,says the lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you,plans to give you a hope and a future’ jeremiah 29:11

for I know the plans I have for you,says the lord.says who?
someone once said that faith is forsaking all that you trust, in god. forsaking ALL that you trust to believe that something’s gonna work out because you surrendered it to god-and he will never give you anything less than what you deserve,which is the best. In other words,what god makes out of your life works only for your good and nothing below that!

those were the times

2007-03-25T22:45:00.000+08:00

there is a longing in all of us- for someone we can look to in our times of need, someone we could share our burden and joy with,someone we could always count on to be there for us when the need arises.someone we could laugh and cry with,someone who could provide encouragement,affirmation,consolation, someone we could be comfortable around, without the need to pretend just to gain approval and acknowledgement. in the company of that person, we want to be just the way we are.cus its tiring trying to put up a front-we all know that there will come a time where all of it becomes pointless and that’s when the reality of how empty we still are hits us.

there is a longing in all of us- for a friend.

ive tried searching for someone like that, as stupid as it sounds- i know you have as well. and yeah, just like you ive come across people like that at some point in my life- they just didn’t last. they waver and fizzle out for one reason or another. ive tried to be a friend- and failed. ive tried to be a brother-nope,didn’t pass that one either.and at the end of it all- i realise that it was not because i didn’t know how best to be a friend, it was because i was not reconcilled with god,and thus JESUS was unable to define the word ‘friend’ to me! if you’re on a search for a friend with everything that’s stated above, and of course, anything else you’d like to add- look to jesus today. the greater value you place on man, the greater your vulnerability to hurt cus they are gonna fail you, they are gonna disappoint you and yeah-its gonna shake you up real bad.when you put greater value in god, you realise that yeah,people are gonna fail you at some point in your life,but god never fails! it all starts with god, when you love him enough, that love is able to embrace all failure,disappointment,rejection.allow him to deposit that love in you today!

this coke advert says it best-

when this man slot his coin in for a bottle of coke, he didn’t know the amount of effort that was required to dispense it,and so he never really placed great value in that bottle of coke. he prob finished it up and threw it away in some thrash can-the story ends right there. its a different thing altogether when you slot your coin into JESUS ! should you choose to allow him to,he’s gonna show you all that he’s done for you and you’re deffinitely gonna understand the value behind the ‘product’ that this ‘vending machine’ is about to dispense! he’s gonna show you how he takes pride in you, he’s gonna show you how you bring a smile to his face- and he’s gonna show you why he went through a most painful death to redeem you from your sins-so that you are not a slave to anyone or anything, but you’re a son of god. anyone will agree that’s a far greater title to carry! all it takes is a coin, a coin of faith. and what you get is not just a bottle of coke that you drink and promptly send to the thrash can, you get JESUS and that’s gonna last you an eternity.

‘for where your treasure is,there will your heart be also’ Matthew 6:21

will you exchange your ‘bottle of coke’ for jesus today? put your value today not in man,but in the lord.know the real value of god,and know how god values you. (:

2007-03-25T00:57:00.000+08:00

there are various avenues through which god decides to speak to his people,and he chooses from these avenues.
because what the flesh desires is only for its sinful cravings to be fufilled, and what the spirit desires is for righteousness and the will of god to be established, our reactions to the way god decides is best to speak to us are different as well!i don’t know about you- god surely came through to me today in the most obvious way; and he came through three times.

core grp;cityhall
‘no one serving as a solider gets involved in civillian affairs-he wants to please his commanding officer.’ 2 tim:4
lionel posed all of us this question- why does it please god just as long as we are not involved in ‘civillian affairs’?
bjorn,darren and i were all unable to find a reason that was apt enough to answer untill this hit me-
‘for where your treasure is,there your heart will be also’ matthew 6:21
when a person’s ‘treasure’ is found in gaining acceptance,approval,acknowledgement,recognition, then his lifestyle will revolve around these things, and it will reflect his heart- cus that’s everything he will invest his efforts into just to get. and it will not reap lasting benefits.

easter evangelistic skit by the ymca,held at St andrew’s cathedral grounds.
the entire skit reflected the exact same truth; we are led to think that our prized trophy is that which prove that we are approved,accepted and recognised by people-until everything fizzles out and we come to realise how empty we really are.
achievments,acknowledgement,approval,acceptance,success, you name it- they will not last.
there will come a time where people will fail you as well! even the ones you are closest to-they will disppoint you at some time in your life.and heck,it’s gonna hurt you real bad la.what will you do then? throw in the towel? or persist to a point where you are driven to the edge? then what’s next? are you gonna take the plunge and drown in your sorrow? like it or not,we are on a constant search for L.O.V.E. a Life that is full of Opportunity,secure in Victory, and lasts for Eternity.and the disappointing thing is that because we fail to look to Jesus , we get everything except for that which is eternal! and so things begin to fall apart, and we are forced to re-examine our options.

youth service at COOS; after talking about it for about a year. hah!
pastor glenn ended his series on knowing god with the third installment titled- god’s value
‘for where your treasure is,there your heart will be also’

‘the kingdom of god is like treasure hidden in a field.when a man found it,he hid it again,and then in his joy went and sold all that he had and bought that field.Again,the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls.when he found one of great value,he want away and sold everything he had and bought it.’ Matthew 13:44-46

when you place great value on something, you sacrifice and go to great lengths just to get it,because you know its gonna be worth the effort,the process.when we place our value in anything besides god we are ‘building our houses on sand’ subject to storm and floods- it will all come crashing down eventually.when we learn to value god,’we build our houses on rock’ and that’s deffinitely gonna hold out even in the fiercest storm.
there are three possibe scenarios la.
1) god decides not to allow the circumstance to happen
2) god changes the circumstance
3) god allows the circumstance to happen but he changes you.

when god allows our cirumstances to shake us up, it is a call for us to re-align our value system. when we learn to value god,our hearts are turned to him-and I think that certainly pleases our commander!

does your value system place greater worth in god,or in the things of this world?sometimes even in the name of sreving god we place greater importance in the things tht we do thn god himself.

‘for whoever wants to save his life will lose it,but whoever loses his life for me will find it.what good is it for a man to gain the whole world,yet forfeit his soul?’ matthew 16:25-26

learn to value the right things in life,so that in death you will inherit the kingdom of god.

2007-03-24T00:31:00.001+08:00

skipped dinner today, set out for bugis feeling a little unsettled and flustered. the fact that it was peak hour didn’t do any good at all,really.and no,let us not digress and go into details about the pushing and shoving. haha.
anyways-dinner was popcorn and a regular coke so no,I didn’t actually skip dinner. heh. mr bean it was- that lightened up the mood a little, and we just decided t walk around for abit before going back home.
there you go-my day. school’s about t start so yeah, im all excited about that! :D + :D + :D = :DDD!
before my mind decides that heck-it should just stay idle for good… heh! what’s life in NP gonna be like?

words just seem to be escaping me these days. pftbtpftspdrftp.

2007-03-22T17:26:00.000+08:00

turn your hearts to the prince of peace
turn your hearts to a love that will never cease
so i’ll sing praises to your name today
and I’ll proclaim your righteousness wherever I lay

turn your hearts to the king of all kings
turn your hearts to a love that will wash you clean
so I’ll be still and know that you are god
and rest secure in the glory of my lord

a new song that will rise from my heart
and proceed from my lips
a new song that will go forth
and into the ends of this world reach

you’re the song that i sing
you’re my saviour and king
so we’ll rise up and bring

glory due your name

;turn your hearts-giffordyap

yeah,'ll sing it for you when its completed laa. haha. and so i attempt to make music with this half-wrecked guitar that i have. blah. anyhows, there are some live events and gigs coming up,you guys might wanna check them out,show some love and everything. aite i'll cut to the chase. all you music loving people, check them out with me will you! hah! :D

http://www.myspace.com/sonicedgeband

this link's gonna take you to the sonic edge band's myspace profile,take a listen to some of their tracks,check out the dets to the events that are lined up for the weeks to come.

2007-03-21T19:50:00.000+08:00

history boys is shit. haha. seriously, don’t watch it. it tickled me a little la,that’s about everything id cred it. haha.
there you go, my rev of the movie. haha. shairul and I concluded stomp the yard would have made a better movie anyhows.
on a positive note… It is now 20 days to the TENTH OF APRIL :DDDDDDDDDDDDD haha! so yeah, make notes and set reminders will you! haha my sixteenth was like so boring la! so seventeen’s gotta be awesome okay! (:
there’s something about jazz that steals me, I don’t kno how to explain it aptly enough, but there are some really awesome awesome songs ive come across and they just steal me,really.
read gifford, read! r-e-a-d. i need t stay away from the screens and pour over books for once in my life. rawr.
im trying t write poems and everything but its just not working… psh. hah. poetry defined. it just stops short of the spirit that brings it to life, and everything just doesn’t flow from there. boo :(

a dash of colours slapped carelessly across these walls
a brilliant arrangement sparked by a passion that is now lost

2007-03-21T11:47:00.000+08:00

rawr. now tht im not working and everything im just slacking my days away till school starts la. and im guilty about tht,really. hahaha. xD there are things t do here and there of course, tho not all of it is productive. haha.
but yeah, there’s a part of me that’s just screaming and demanding tht school starts, like now. haha.
and there’s another tht’s just a little reluctant,still wants to slack for abit. haha. right now tho im more supportive of my first half. heeeeeee.but that’s the least of my probs,if any. haha.
my guitar’s wrecked… and shucks it hurts just looking at that crack man. she still sings tho, prob for about a yr then she’s gotta bite the dust. but she’s had a good run! so. hahaha. we’ll see what happens to it then. haha.

the holy spirit used me as an avenue to speak to two of my brothers today.and god i thank you for tht. :D
brothers,for we are all of one spirit, physical distance is inconsequential, in our spirits we are one because we all love- and this love will see no limits.

those of us who are inviting frnds for TGIF, continue to pray for your friends and against the work of the devil in holding
them back!

2007-03-19T20:45:00.001+08:00

heaven and earth bow down
such wonder graces from your throne
the angels stand in awe
declaring your praise forevermore

‘I will praise you, o lord, with all of my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name O most high’ psalms 9:1-2

to be able to stand before god at his alter;surely there is no greater honour thn this!
the time has come for a generation to rise up and live by the spirit,that the glory of god will be revealed in you and the world will sit up and take notice. behold, the king is at work in our lives.
so friends will you take that step to believe that I serve a god who will stand with you in your time of need,mulitply your blessings,and add to your joy? for my god lives and i can prove it! (:

alrights guys… on another note,for those of you who are in your 20’s or 30’s(or perhaps are well on your way there…) my brother would appreciate it if you could fork out 5 minutes to proceed to the link below and complete a survey that involves the introduction of a new mega-event in singapore in conjunction with the opening of the Intergrated Resorts. your assistance will go a long way in developing this concept.
http://www.surveyconsole.com/console/TakeSurvey?id=318584
my bro thanks you! :)

2007-03-19T18:15:00.000+08:00

“so I say, live by the spirit,and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. for the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the spirit,and the spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. they are in conflict with each other,so that you do not do what you want. but if you are led by the spirit, you are not under law.’ Galatians 16-18

a brother recently shared with me about this pain tht the devil has placed in his heart, that of returning to a corrupted society right after such a sprit-filled week,that of physical seperation from his spiritual family and the deception tht such also means a spiritual disconnection. each time as we return to our lives from perhaps CG or even service after a spirt-filled hour or two- we immediately come under attack by the devil,and he strikes when you least expect him to!
the devil leads us to live in the flesh, to think and act in the flesh.
god says we are t live in the spirit, for we are all of one sprit, and thus contrary to what the devil leads you to think- physical seperation is not an equavilant to spiritual seperation if you are living in the spirit! if you live in the flesh, physical seperation is really just that! hahaha.
there are times when we choose to live by the flesh cus it comes across as a fuss-free lifestyle; without consequence, and it gratifies sinful desires that draw us away from god! the thing about deception is that it is nothing more that a distortion of the truth- and life in the flesh is the greatest deception of all because it steers even the strongest christians away from god! it complicates things and blurs the line that seperates righteouness from sin.

god says, ‘if you are not with me then you are against me.’ so today do not remain confused! god sets his standards clearly in his word,and if you live by that and allow his spirit to reside in you it tears down the strongholds that the devil has established in you and allows god’s blessings to flow freely. know your stand and do not be complacent even in the blessings of god, as with every good thing that god gives live in a spirit that is thankful and is always praying against the work of the devil!

so god I ask for your spirit to fall afresh on me today
it was never about what I wanted to do or say
consuming fire come wash me clean
free me from these chains of sin

2007-03-18T22:36:00.000+08:00

eeeeeeeeeee. :D

the G12 conference was awesomeeee la! in the course of these three days god was at work in the lives of a 10,000 strong crowd, and the capacity of his presence was truly immeasurable. :D my spirit rejoices in the knowledge that people of every nation stand representing their country in prayer for his spirit to fall afresh and reside in their hearts,that with the vision they will return to their homeland bringing with them something that could bring about transformation in the lives of their people and those around them. people of every tribe and tongue, singing his praises in one voice. that alone carries enough power to shake the foundations of hell! as much as the devil is at work to stir up strife in the family of god, just as much as he is at work in tearing down what god has built in the lives of his people, at his alter he plants the seed that unites us in one cause,and for that cause let us be willing to lay down our lives.a life that is surrendered to the cross is a life that carries with it power that will see no limits.for god stands with us, we no longer live as slaves to our past,neither will we remain captives to fear and allow ourselves to be guided by the devil in ruin and destruction.

on a lighter note... it was really really tiring! by the second night every one was nodding away alr. not in acknowledgement,by the way. (: and the bottle of coffee milk that darren and i furiously consumed left us in despair when we realised the caffein content, well...it didnt really contain caffein in the first place.right. -.-

2007-03-18T21:50:00.001+08:00

rawr. there’s just wayyy too many things that have been taking place this week la! where should I begin! haha!
-cell retreat
i came that morn with a spirit tht was distracted, disturbed and weighed down by the events of the previous day.
and all morn I fought a constant battle to suppress the brokeness that had set in. it escalated to an extent where I just broke down and did something really stupid! and I wanna thank god for that! cus in admitting that i really could not deal with the situation that affected me to such a great extent,as I cried out in desperation that I needed god’s guidance and the assurance that he understands, I was liberated from the chains of darkness. and all through the rest of the day every time I stand at his alter in worship, his spirit just continued to flow and I teared as he revealed his heart t me.

‘son, do not be dishearted, for i am above your circumstance, and in your brokeness I will bring restoration. i know your pain. and i want to build you up again.’

and god pointed out to me that all of this tied in with what terry shared in the morn about the heart of a father!
god allows us to be broken by our circumstances because it serves to reveal to us how weak we really are,it serves to remind us that when we are secure in his blessings it does not mean we can be complacent. it serves to point out that all this is happening so that you will learn t surrender your life to the cross for god has endured all of that on your behalf.
'son, ive been waiting for your return since the day you decided to step out of my house.'
the day i walked out of his courts, he has been waiting for my return! and he decided t let me walk out cus he knows this was something i needed t learn,this was something he could not force upon me,and in going through that tough time it reaped greater benefits that i would have ever known!
id also like to say a word of thanks to arthur,darren, and my spiritual dad lionel for standing with me,holding me in your arms and assuring me. :D
hahaha.

god i know that you will never fail me.

2007-03-15T11:42:00.000+08:00

I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned
in awe of the one who gave it all
I’ll stand my soul lord to you surrendered
All I am is Yours

‘but I, by your great mercy, will come into your house;in reverence will I bow down toward your holy temple. lead me o lord,in your righteousness because of my enemies,make straight your way before me’ psalms 5:7-8

‘but let all who take refuge in you be glad;let them ever sing for joy. spread your protection over them,that those who love your name may rejoice in You. for surely, o lord,you bless the righteous;you surround them with your favour as with a shield.’ V 11-12

my spirit is heavy and burdened o god,but in your presence will I not cast aside all that weighs me down?
for you are greater than any circumstance, so lord will I fight with your strength, and I will go where you lead me.
even in my darkest hour, my heart will proclaim your faithfulness all day long.
for if it is this i must go through that your will is established in me, then also will my heart rejoice along with it. (:
this is not for me to carry alone;i rest in the knowledge that you have always remained by my side
so today god will you come and take your place in me again;my former self,crucified along with you.and today will i live in victory over my strongholds.

'it is good to praise the lord and make music to your name,o Most High.
to proclaim your love in the morning and your faithfulness by night' psalms 92.

for this reason even in our momments of despair will we not still praise the lord?

2007-03-13T16:42:00.000+08:00

Your name, is a strong a mighty tower
Your name, is a shelter like no other
Your name,let the nations sing it louder
cus nothing has the power t save
but your name

what was written here, was written. tho it no longer remains,it speaks of how this episode has made me feel,and i do not remain affected,but ive had my share of second thoughts. i need time,just give it to me-please. the retreat and the conference,let it be for me as well, a time of respite.
i could surely use it.

i rest in the knowledge that you are with me;my spirit will rejoice in every circumstance.

2007-03-12T22:17:00.001+08:00

to live in righteousness. as easy as it sounds, we all struggle to walk right with god-in one way or another.
the devil captures our weaknesses and acts on it every second that you live and breathe,and these relentless attacks provide us little or even no respite. the way we react to these attacks are important, but so is the mindset behind it.
its always easy to say that you will change your ways, but what’s it gonna take for you to say that you will change the way you think? if your mindset toward a certain problem is the driving force behind your ways, are you not a fool for striking at the branches instead of the root? so many of us are driven by fear,needs,desires,hatred,jealousy,temptation.and we are deceived into scrutinizing the outcome instead of the source.
search your hearts today. what drives you,what compels you to a certain action? are you looking at the source of your actions,or the outcome thereafter?

300 was awesome! shhhhhhh. dont tell anyone we got tickets for just follow law at hall 4 and sneaked into 300 at hall 2. we just did. and rawr. it was oh-so-good! :D
and yeah,thanks to my bro-bjornNG as well for the great time we had toget, just being brothers la. (: anytime for you man.

2007-03-09T23:42:00.000+08:00

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeee! :D
extraction is like,finished la! at last! of course, after the med lost its effect, depression kicked in and everything… hahaha.
so yeah, I get pissed easily then.seriously,id be ready to lash out anytime!
the pain subsided alot faster thn the previous time so yeah,I really thankgod for that. awesome!
rawr. so now ive got these metal rings around four corners of my teeth. clang clang! xD
right,the braces are scheduled to be fixed nex saturday,which clashes with the G12 conference so people please be praying for me that after fixing them on I’ll still be able t attend the conference alright! muackzx. hahahax. shyte i rememberz a timez whenx every1 used tu typez lyk dis. random. it irritates the nuts out of me tho,really. hahaha!

cell retreat this 14th ; im oh-so-excited la! :D
let it be for us…
a time to re-commit ourselves to this fellowship of brothers;
a time for us to come with open hearts,ready to receive what the holy spirit wants to deposit in our hearts;
a time of awesome awesome fun tog! :)

a constant reminder of your faithfulness in my life, o god
teach me to live in your ways
and to die to mine

2007-03-08T22:45:00.000+08:00

HEYYYYY! :D
I decided t quit lazzzzzzzing around today, and went jamming at parklane. hahahaha.
bra,zu,daryl and meeee. shucks im starting t develop an intimate relationship with the drums alr la! LIONEL! :D
hahaha.its reciprocated. we have truly fallen for each other. xD right. lame jokes aside.
we were like ten minutes late for hannibal rising and everything but who cares la! right? cus i got the ticket to row G! seat 12! get it? G12! awesomest. blood and gore aside, it was a little predictable for a thriller. not exactly a kick.
daryl,bra and myself had dinner at cartel -.- which was superbly filling… and now im here,sipping way at a glass of orange juice and stoning away,in childish hopes that somehow I will not need to go t the dentist tmw and come home whining in pain again. ugh.credits to ee chun, who led me to rachel’s blog, which featured this song in the background. awesome. you gotta love it la, pleeeeease? :D

haha. with this i bless you, and wish upon a star that i will sleep in peace, and not come home whining. hahaha. but it can really hurt okay! ciaos. (;

Paul baloche; Your Name.

2007-03-07T13:42:00.000+08:00

everything that we do on this planet strikes a chord that resonates throughout eternity.

sometimes tho we never realise or take the slightest notice, our simplest actions are capable of carrying extensive impact!

Inconvenient truth? id say so.tho many times the devil carries it across to you that you’re just reading too much into it. its not as complicated as you think! is it?

there is a side of us that seeks to be justified. with every action,every word,every thought that occurs it attempts to convince us that for one reason or another, we are doing the right thing. even if it means going against our conscience, betraying everything that we believe in. our ability to reason and think can be used for the greater good,and in the same way it can be tapped into by the devil to steer us toward sin. and deception is the key that opens up the pathway into our minds. the devil is able to achieve nothing without sin. so if you think about it, every second that you live and breathe and contain the simplest tinge of sin in you, the devil is alive and he desires to have dealings that involve selling your soul to him so that he is able to reside deeper inside you, to tear apart everything that god has first built in you!
our soul is, and already has been right from the start- corrupted.
our ability to judge that which is right or wrong is inaccurate! since sin was conceived in the minds of adam and eve, the seed of deception has been planted in our hearts. and so without god our sinful desires and cravings are always justified by the corrupted judgement of our souls.

if you do not acknowledge god, you do not just remain vulnerable to sin, you are allowing it to establish itself within you.

the word of god. not always something we want to know. but without a doubt something we all need to know.
untill it comes alive in you, it could be the bane of your existence. when it does, it becomes the claim to your persistance.
In the refusal to compromise god’s standards. In that of living as he has called you to. into rising above the temptations that are thrown at you every second. Its gonna affect the way you deal with situations. Its gonna affect the way you feel about things. its gonna affect the way you think,act,speak and live!
there’s only one way to jesus;ten to the devil.
tho the road to righteousness is difficult to travel by, the rewards you reap at the end is eternity in god’s kingdom.
tho the road to everything else provides you ten other alternatives to transport, it eventually brings you to a place we all refer to as hell. and yeah, its shit. hahaha.

the devil is as strong as we allow him to get.

one way to jesus ; no way to the devil

there will come a time. (:

2007-03-07T00:57:00.001+08:00

HEY HEY HEY! :D
hit this jamming studio around town wit bjorn and his friend, hafiz today. RAWR. awesomest. :D
they provided higher end instruments so everything was really quite a blast la! hahaha.
and its like the first time I really tried playing the drums,for real.didnt do all too badly I’d say!
heh. right. now im excited about cell this sat,cus there’s a drum set there! im not sure if it’s the full set, but it will have to do. [:

the ultimate adrenaline-rush.

eh 300 is out tmw! rahhhhh i cant watch. hahaha. nehver-mind.i will find a way. wahahaha.
that was completely random.
-.-

2007-03-06T22:32:00.001+08:00

rawr shit I just got ripped. hahaha. I got this guitar sling,which was like,really awesome and everything… only t realise tht it was bloody short. -.-
on a lighter note tho…
I decided t change the layout and everything for this blog and wa! its awesome right! :D
the shitty thing was that i had to change the font colour for like every post that was in white, cus the previous background was black… seriously, I felt like I was just about to drop dead la! haha!
was boreddddd to bits today, cept that I came across some awesome electric guitars at parklane… and wot a feast I had just looking at them!

yeah! I got up unusually early today… I figure its cus the o level postings were scheduled to be released, so I was in one way or another, anxious.tho somewhere inside me I found stregth t trust tht wherever I go is where god has decided t send me to,but still! hahahaha.phoned in to check…
anddddddd… ta-das! Ngee Ann polytechnic, second choice of course! :D
coooooolness! tho I would have preferred business studies, but yeah… I was contented really!

shine your light and guide me out of this predicament.my heart is devided when it comes to him.

anyway! there was this ad outside one of the guit stores I checked out at parklane, and this is what it said…

WATCH OUT FOR FLYING PANTIES.

-.- like wot?
there was another ad just below which depicted a concert scene(sounds like oral. hah!) with only an accoustic guitar at the centre of the stage,and it says something like, 'distortion cant cover your ass no more!' wot?? hahaha.

Currently feeling… lazeeeeeeeeee. :D
everything’s either half done or not even touched. literally. im a hit-and-run on the loose. hahaha.

[edited. sometimes my mom really makes me appear like a complete idiot. hahaha! i didnt get ripped la. i just didnt know how t adjust the sling right. i am now... speechless.]

2007-03-06T09:30:00.000+08:00

Sanctify;giffordyap

streaks of apathy from these blank faces
unwilling stares deem this world tasteless
the rebel within screams for attention
futile efforts at gaining redemption

fighting to breathe im just trying to live
if I could just for a momment freeze
the thing’s id try to say
the tears id fight away

this is not where we’re meant to be
this is not what we’ve wanted to see
like rain that falls from heaven
spirit will you not sanctify your children?

its dark. hahaha. but yeah,'scream' (another poem written by meeee) was just as dark. it carries some meaning for me anyhows.

2007-03-06T08:53:00.000+08:00

shucks. hahahaha. im sure all of us kno how sucky it gets when we all think we’ve reached a certain level in our ability to do or achieve something, only to cross paths with someone else who does it like, ten times better than you? haha.
rahhhhhhhh. that’s like,exactly how I feel right now. not entirely sucky,to say the least. :D right. so here’s how it happened! hahaha. after like,rounds of poker(and drinks) at josh’s place I was like really bored to bits… so I decided to go up t check things out. and there was this dude( I didn’t know anyone up there cept for josh,and that totally sucked.hahaha but what happened next didn’t :D ) who was on the electric guitar( a gretsch model passed down from his uncle) playing some awesome awesome solos. like it was a bloody piano! the effects and everything,it was really well put toget, and shit I felt so shamed. hahaha. but yeah,I really felt like that was where I wanted to be, like this was the standard I wanted to reach at this point.

everytime i see a great band, I just feel like this is where ive wanted to be all my life.
and tho I don’t see the pieces coming toget…
if it was all meant to be I know in due time things will fall into place, and this passion will have an avenue. (:

somehow in my soul’s deepest,I know that all of this was from you.

-whatever it meant, it just didnt come across right.like do you even think? perhaps not!

2007-03-04T15:27:00.001+08:00

I thank god for the word that was shared by dylan at cell today… :D what’s in your heart? pause for just one momment t reflect on that. yeah,just that. hahahaha. where should I begin! for real, there are just too many things that take weight in our hearts today. that’s right,they do not just take up space.[gasp] which brings me to question.its an inevitable fact that in this day, there are like, so many things that fill up spaces in our hearts. and before you know it,they are taking weight. you feel it, you know its there. if you say, god’s in my heart! then awesome! even so,what fraction of it does god reside in?
for many of us, it is an unfortunate(or not,depends on how you look at it) combination of good things and bad. passion and disappointment.success and failures. and with all that takes their places in our hearts, where does god come in? or when does god come in? passion. everything that you are inclined toward and driven by. success,achievements, wants and needs, desires,friends,famlily,even your church mates.there will come a time where all of it will disappoint you. nope, no doubt on that. haha. its sad, you and I agree on that im sure. you feel the pain, like its gonna rip you apart, and you ask,

god, this is it? so all of this was to bring me to this point? shit you’ve gotta be kidding me right?

no.when it comes to the lives of his people, god doesn’t play such lame ass jokes. :D nothing happens at random.
and with that in mind how far are you willing to accept the fact that god is in control of everything that takes place in your life? down to the time where you got caught in the rain, yeah! that was the work of god. so are you still gonna be thankful?

the end of yourself is the beginning of god.
so yeah, you’ve come to the end of the road.this is it? awesome!

my child,now will you let me take my place in your life again?

ive felt lousy, deffinitely.
Ive built my confidence upon things that will never take me through five years, lets not even talk about ten.
Ive made some shitty decisions. but at the end of the day that’s just me,don’t you see?
lousy is not how god feels about you,god wants you to find rest, to find your confidence in him, and heck no, god was not behind your shitty decisions. it was in his plan,yeah. but no, its not in the least bit shitty to him cus you did it so something could be established in you! you did it so something else could be fufilled. You just don’t see it.You just didn’t kno about it.

2007-03-03T06:56:00.000+08:00

I try to find my corner
to let loose and holler
insatiable cries within me
from this tortured soul I ask these demons flee

what does it take for you to see
that this is not what ive wanted to be
your twisted melody leaves me fazed
a sick cacophony marking the end of my days …?

no I won’t give in
to the screams that reverberate from within
I fight to the end
tho I cannot see his hand
you will never take me
cus this truth you have failed to see

my weaknesses tho i cannot change
and darkness still remains
he descends in the light of his glory
and demons he will make you sorry

your relentless attempts at ruin
will never take its place in this world within
so will you step aside today
cus this is what god has to say

2007-03-02T07:23:00.000+08:00

ouuuuuuuch. hahaha. I just had two of my teeth extracted this morn.cus im fixing braces and everything,so yeah… next week they’re gonna take another two and the following week they’re fixing it up alr la! wahs. so fast! hehs.
ive always had this phobia of the dentist… hahaha. some of you will know why.that said, the extraction, as i realised,was really not what id expected…it was the pain that comes thereafter. haha I got so bloody depressed I didn’t wanna say anything for like two hours la! it’s a whole lot better now… (: so yay.

sometimes in our walk with god we tend to lose sight of the purpose for which we have been called to rise up and fight.

gifford; a soldier for god. its not an easy title to carry. Its not an easy responsibility to hold.
as awesome as it sounds, I struggle with living up to all of this. how many times have we, in one way or another, turned up the volume of this world and listen to all of its lying ways, and at the same time turn down the volume of god?

let me ask you this: what is your cause?
now search your heart, do your actions line up with your beliefs?

Its no easy feat, I’ll give that to you.
but do not worry! for god never brings you to a situation he cannot deliver you from. as with all other things, there is always an open door,should you set your heart on finding it, you will.

‘No one serving as a solidier gets involved in civillian affairs-he wants to please his commanding officer.similarly, if anyone competes as a athlete,he will not receive the victor’s crown unless he competes according to the rules.the hardworking farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops’ 2 timothy 2:4-6

think of it this way. if you are a citizen of a certain country, will you not live and abide by its rules and everything?
in the same context as citizens of god’s kingdom should we not also live by what god has laid down for us?
a lot of us fall out simply because 1) we think that it’s the same with god, there are still rules, and shit, he will kill you if you don’t live by them 2) there are restrictions, and no, you prefer to be free. 3) we accept the fact that nothing in this world really belongs to us but we take the rules that apply to this world into the other! that’s like making sushi with noods as filling! never gonna happen!

know your cause,and live by it. its not enough just to know your cause, if you do not understand it well enough you will fall out as well, sometimes tho not by choice, and you will never be able to live by it.

blessed be your name
in the road marked with suffering
tho there’s pain in the offering
blessed be your name

every blessing you pour out i’ll
turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in lord
still I will say

2007-03-01T15:16:00.000+08:00

hahaha today’s like fastfood day or something la! longjohnsilver’s for lunch and KFC for dinner. and a bowl of instant noods sits just by the table even as im writing. :D wot?!
yeeeeah. went back to school today ... rawr. shit its so difficult to get things like this done sometimes…
decided to drop by choir and everything… and ta-das! I brought my guit along… gahs. she got wet cus it was raining,that’s the sucky part… haha yeah. got some people toget to take a listen to the song and they thought it was great, so praise god! :D im filled, nonononono… brimming. brimming with excitement la! wahahaha. jason’s got lobang to a recording studio so if it turns out good we could get Nara’s playground to come bring down the house! whooosa!
this is where I stand
it speaks of my heartcry. I pray it relates to you somehow! hahaha. in one way or another,at some point,these are the struggles we go through in life.

went t run some errands wit my dad today… earned some fast cash. hahaha.
the ride home around ten plus was really long and everything. yeah so I decided to listen to some tracks and concentrate on the guitars, tried to take out everything else. its awesome,the kinda audio experience the guitar alone can give you…the energy takes you on a ride through to the end. and that’s how it all comes together… every component of the band holds it together in one way or another… even the one’s you take the least notice of. and at the same time,on their own they are able to hold the energy level there… that’s how good they get. that’s how good I wanna get.

it’s a phase. surprise me.

this is as real as it can get. im not sure you wanna see it.

im taking up the drums! I think. hahaha :D happy!

2007-02-28T13:42:00.000+08:00

after all that he’s said and done…
...its difficult not to feel that way about him,or the things that he says and does thereafter.

God will you set my heart right before you?

things like this will not last,my friend. i can only pray that you will turn back and confess your lying ways before it gets complicated.you will tell me the truth,if you see me as a brother.till then I can only wait.anyways…If all goes well i can start recording in about a week…for those of you who have absolutely no idea what im talking about…please refer to the previous 2 entries. read up the earlier one first. :D so you all be praying for me alright?

enough talk,let’s hear it soon! hahaha. :D I pray that it will not disappoint.
things are beginning to take shape… I just couldn’t resist a recording last night….so right around ten i did quite a sudden one( note: its no where near what it will sound like eventually ah. so…) and I realised today that it was not such a bad decision after all! i went out to yamaha and on my way there i decided to give it a listen on the bus,as well as the train rides there and back. this would serve as a guage to how listen-able it was,like if people were to load it into their players and everything,how it would carry across.

good music has gotta be able to take you everywhere,it has to take you places. aight, this is NOT self-praise or anything along those lines, but what I gathered was that it was able to carry across a certain emotion, I just needed a cleaner sound, and of course louder vocals… hahaha.. the player picked up most of the guit instead of my voice because of the way it was positioned. but yeah,there’s still alota work to be done before I will do an actually recording… I need to sort out the variations and other technicalities.so people please please please,throw in some support! :D

i got this cd by frank sinatra today,he’s bloody good la! duh. haha. the epitomy of jazz, I expect no less. hahaha.
im trying to expose myself to many different genres of music so when I eventually start on other compositions, there will be variety and flexibilty. something fresh,something that will stick…

baby take me on a journey.

2007-02-27T05:22:00.000+08:00

this is where I stand is my first effort at composition,tho its not my best effort,it’s a first and i gues it’s a good start anyhows! hahaha. it was penned right around midnight,and just after the first verse I found it simply impossible to look back…it carried such great meaning and intensity for me because it reflects a cry within my being for respite,it tells of a longing, in pain and desperation from all the disappointments that come with this life here on earth,to run back to the father’s embrace and to hold his hand again.it tells of a longing within every one of us to find someone,someone out there that will see us for who we really are,it tells of a cry of lonliness, and through it all when we come back into his presence,we realise he’s got so much to tell...

this has been coming for a really looooong time! ive struggled day after day to come up with something, but nothing ever did come to completion,cause none of the things id write really ever meant something personal to me. they’d appear to be without spirit,and so id abandon them halfway through. this is where I stand reflects something going beyond what you usually see on the surface. It lays out my deeper desires and longings.

there you go,my first piece.

the melody’s coming toget… that being said,there are a whole lota things I still need to work on… it could take me up to about a week or so… do throw in constructive comments... (:

love.

2007-02-27T04:27:00.000+08:00

this is where i stand
this is my soul’s cry
ive forgotten the sight of your hand
and I find myself asking why

I take a seat by the lake
god this is how much my heart aches
I see a different reflection
from myself I need your protection

this is me down on my knees
im pleading that someone out there sees
im right here all by myself
and god I know you’ve got so much to tell

so will you come take your place in me again
and will you save me from my pain
this is where I stand
this is where I wanna hold your hand
jesus will you please take me with you
god will you let me start anew

im running back to your embrace
im starting to see your face
your arms held out wide
my spirit takes delight

this is where I stand.
I never want to let go
this is where I hold you hand
this is where I’ll never grow cold.

this is where i stand;gifford
composed 250207;1215AM
a fully original composition;and it tells of a heartcry.
its tells of my heart's cry.
i pray you'll like it anyhows.hahaha. (;

2007-02-25T08:01:00.000+08:00

a short entry just before I headout to cell. :D
ive been thinking about how this blog has picked up since the o levels ended…
its been an awesome ride indeed.
and yet I also feel the need to say that it is truly my prayer that what I write goes beyond a mere documentation of the places that ive been to or the things that ive done. of course it is acknowledged that such is a main component of every journal.i speak of angst,emotions,belief and perspective. and so id also like to gather readers from every walk to come share in what I have to say,not because all of it comes from me and me alone,or because what’s said here is impressive and thought-provoking(tho id very much like it to be so. humility chastens me! hahahah.)in place of that id like the things that I share to relate to you in one way or another,to provide an alternative to the way people usually think. not without considering what its like to be in their shoes,of course.this is what I ask,that you read without judgement,and read with an open heart. this is where I stand today.
ive stood corrected,many times.
let all that is written encourage,affirm,console,edify,teach,correct(or be corrected,for that matter.hahaha),relate, and bless.
and on this note I leave you. for cell. and perhaps a dinner at a mediterrenean restaurant. vinegar I have in abundance.would you like to have some? X) hahaha aight, chill! godbless.

2007-02-25T06:10:00.000+08:00

sup! :D xf and clem came over to my place today … we’d actually planned to get ‘flags of our fathers’ on dvd and watch it before heading out to dinner la…but yeah,its not available yet or something so we settled on Underworld revolution instead. heh the thing’s that it was actually rated M18… that’s about all I can say.hahaha descretion is required. :D
and talking about censorship… there’s this really really lame ass procedure you need to go through just to borrow dvds that are rated NC16 and up at this store just op my house. aight,its not really a procedure luh. its somewhat a requirement.you gotta deposit $1o,even when you’re alrd 16.and sometimes the quality is absymal. hahaha they’d rem kingdom of heaven… like half the battlescenes(which were a lot) where things got heated up and the everyone’s just about to whack the shit out of each other… it freezes. then skips till five minutes later… and then it freezes again.there you go.watching their dvds is like a ten course dinner where all they give you is the appetizers. the other nine courses get lost along the way and you never get to eat them anyway.*shrugs*

right.the tribe gathered for CNY dinner at Mandarin Gardens this evening… a fairly big condominium id say. hahaha.
the food was ay-okay…the skit that was brought over from friendship special with a slight twist to it and everything… hahaha I enjoyed it.funny stuff indeed! to everyone who was in the same table as meeee… namely Kev,Vimel,Derrick,Nigel,Kristine,Audrey, Ah ma evelyn and her cute cute cute little gal Ignez! :D hahaha.my thanks for the time toget.not forgeting,of course,everyone else who attended this dinner… the DE tribe.

my heart prays that this will represent our stand to be united as one family to take on the world for jesus.

my heart also prays that in this unity we will rise up to this time for which we have been called to bring glory to our lord and saviour and emerge victors in every arena.

we do unspeakable things...hahaha.

A brief momment of respite...a view outside @ the balcony,overlooking the pool

tossing of the yu sheng (at each other,by the looks of it)
hahahaha.

hah everything's not in yet,so this will have to do for now. :D the boys of lionel chan and terry lim. hahaha.

a facade i hide behind
a reality i hide in time
an insatiable desire to feel accepted and looked up to
to feel a part of something great
or risk appearing a fool?

his journey into reality.
for your own good,choose to be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second rate version of somebody else.

2007-02-24T08:04:00.000+08:00

aights people… im gonna try to to write something on my guit so tag wit bright ideas please! hahaha.
for the record tho,the first that I write and complete has to,and will be a dedication to my saviour,who has tolerated all my nonsence,looked past my failures and inadequacies,and continues to remind me that this body is but a temporary home,that it is what lies inside of me that carries infinite value and that this is what he wants to nurture, who points out to me that his love is deeper than the deepest,higher thn the highest,wider thn the widest.to a saviour that so freely forgives,so freely gives.to a saviour that desires the best for me,to a saviour that was pinned on the cross for my mistakes,to a saviour that was whipped that I now receive healing by his stripes from all sicknesses. to a friend,councillor,father.just to know that he’s always been with me,never forsaking me despite the times when ive turned away from him in stubborn rebellion.

reunion dinner wit the DE tribe later…awesomest. :DD

2007-02-24T04:25:00.000+08:00

there are times when I feel like ive had enough,like it was time to let go.
there are times whn everything just doesn’t seem to be working out for me
there are times when deception kicks in and suddenly everything I once held so firmly to becomes elusive
there are times when I feel like its all pointless,id never make the cut anyway.
there are times when the fleeting pleasures I blindly chase after cuts like a knife slowly,but surely,driving into my heart
there are times.
and they force me to think.
what is the real driving force behind my every action?
ive made countless attempts to find acceptance
fought to feel a little less rejected
wanted and needed to feel protected
but each time I returned empty handed.
Insatiable stubborness blinds me from all that I was meant to see

jesus once said that the kingdom of god is within us…and yet some of us do not even care to explore this possibility.
the implications of what he said is simple,and yet for many of us,it is evasive.
all of us,regardless of our situation, ‘have better chances at finding god in the universe within us,rather than the one that surrounds us.’ sometimes we’re all just so distracted by the ‘sights’ and ‘sounds’ of the world that when god chooses to speak,we’re not there to listen.

sometimes we give out so much of ourselves that we eventually realise what remains for the best that god has chosen for you is just a fragment of the bad choices you’ve made in the past.sometimes all we ever needed was to look within us,cus god is not beyond us in that sense, he resides inside of us as long as we allow him to. and each time we look within ourselves and see that god still stands with you, all fear is cast out and you never need to stand in the shadow of satan’s deceit.

listen not to the cacophony of satan’s lies and deceit
but immerse yourself in the symphony of god’s music

hahaha this post is abit emo la. yeah,what can I say tho.

2007-02-23T15:47:00.000+08:00

hah Ive been bored to bits these last couple of days…
caught letters from IJ today… word’s been going around that it was good and everything so I decided to go check it out.

yeah it was good. felt like I was about to crash right after the show tho… hahaha.

gahhh. shit. I feel so stifled. like suddenly I cant piece my sentences toget and write properly.
right.

sinful cravings and unrighteous intentions
unjustified desires and guilty pleasures
streams of crimson
wash me clean

all I ever needed to know was that you will always stand with me
I never really needed to say anything.

2007-02-22T08:16:00.000+08:00

‘the end of yourself is where the beginning of god will be’
looking back at the times when ive fought to feel accepted
the times when ive blindly followed psuedo voices that lead me toward sin,against my better judgement.
the times when ive cried out in utter frustration
the times when ive questioned if there was a meaning to all that was happening around and inside of me
the times when I feel that things could be a whole lot better thn they are now
the times when I feel inferior,lost and in desperate need for a clear direction
the times when I feel I need someone,but someone just doesn’t come by.
my bro bjornNG’s words… ‘when you’re down to nothing,god is up to something’
when you realise that there’s ultimately nothing you can do to turn the situation around,what’s next? You could say, aight, this is it,it was never meant to be. or you could say it never really was about me or what I could do anyway! so god take your rightful place in my life again.

sinful indulgence and the pursuit of fleeting pleasres lead us away from god
rules and restrictions can be the bane of our existence,and yet they can also be the claim to our persistance.

‘the sinful mind is hostile to god. it does not submit to god’s law,nor can it do so.Those who are controlled by the sinful nature cannot please god’ romans 8:7-8

this is especially true where god’s word is concerned! after all,god knows what’s best for us and therefore he steps in the the form of our leaders,our parents,sometimes even friends to restrict us from becoming addicted to what the world claims to provide.when we know and trust that god has the best plan for our lives and whatever we are called to do is for our good, as much as it can be difficult, we are able to press on toward his promise of riches in eternity. (:

hah this is really random but I pray that these thoughts will stick with you and speak to you somehow. :D

shalom

2007-02-19T18:00:00.000+08:00

hahahahaha! ben showed me this card trick ytd so i decided to try it out with the guys today at bjorn's place...they all looked so stunned la.
the buffet and everything was good... we chilled out on the ps for abit before heading out toward kovan to take nel down to douby.
and we eventually watched ghost rider at 1835.
there was some time to burn before the show so we decided to pool at funkyball and shit i was not playing my best. hahaha. hey tho, we had fun. thats all that matters. (;
aight aight. here's my rev of ghost rider. ahahha.
id say its an average bangwhamkaboom that this character (who sold his soul to the devil supposedly to make a pact to save his dad from certain death) kinda delivers with quite a punch here and there. its cool and everything,but deffinitetly not one of the better ones this yr.

letters! letters!

i actually wanted to go check out this gig/music fest at fort canning part... featuring the likes of electrico,saw loser... i figured it'll be something good to go see but hey,tix were gg at S$6o... soooooo. i'll pass. :D hee.
hahaha apparently when my bro came back from LA today his luggage,along wit that of those who were in transit at tokyo,didnt come through so we'd have to wait till tmw before they'd fed it over.haha shit the coffee i had before we went to get my bro at the airport didnt work its magic.so i was like half-asleep,and really really hungry.hahaha.

that's just the way it is. My inadequacies. Search me. see what you can find. cus only he knows me best.

the tears id fight away
the things ive tried to say
so have your way in me
god you are the potter
and i am the clay.

for all you've given to me...

ive learnt to see beyond the shallowness and transience of the pleasures,desires,and temptations of this world.
so god will you give me the courage to fight.

2007-02-18T15:20:00.000+08:00

when im down to nothing
so done with stumbling
when the tears stream down my cheeks
plunging into a never ending darkness
when my heart starts bleeding
when im furiously kicking
when im down on my knees
pleading that someone out there sees
your light shines through
You prove yourself real to me again
You pick up the pieces
what can i say jesus
when i stand
you'll stand with me
when i fall
you'll come quickly.

disappointments and failures
sorrow and shame
guilt and pain
i surrender in your name.

what does it take for you to see.

2007-02-18T08:12:00.000+08:00

happy CNY people :D hah random. hehs.
i have a confession to make. hahaha. i havent been reading. which explains the dip in my standard of writing. *panics*

the sins ive tried to hide
the rules i fight to abide
hear my cry o' lord
and set my heart right.

2007-02-17T14:03:00.000+08:00

sheets! :D i made a really really bad decision today la. dont ask. unless i tell you about it myself. its nothing big tho,and im alright. (: was on the verge anyway.
went to watch epic movie today at cathay wit brandon,louis,tk and zu... gahhh. bloody lameeeeeeee la! not to mention,SICK! hah some parts made everyone in the theatre go 'aw what the hell!' or 'shit that's soooo wrong la!' or 'ughhh! yuck!' gag reflex activated! heh. so there you go.a no brainer,laugh out loud comedy. not something id pay to watch in a theatre tho.of course,thats just my personal opinion,you are absolutely free to disagree with me. hahaha.
heyyyyy! id wanna watch letters from Iwo Jima. seems like a prty good movie aye? :D something like flags of our fathers i figure? havent watched that one yet either. hahaha. yeah and ghost rider! hahaha.there's like so many movies im looking foward to this yr. they'd better be up to standard. lols!

perhaps i didnt know you as much as i thought i did.i thought you were better thn that. hahah. gues not.

well i went to meet lionel and darren as well as two other frnds(sorry! i cant rmb your names! ahhh. my mind's on idle mode la.forgive mee. :D hee.)
settled chuanlian's present. and tada! i got a jazz cd for myself as well while i was at it! hhahaa. shit i think its really rare to have someone my age listening to jazz. heh! what gives. hahaha. im tired,lazy to think,and everything else in between so ima go chill out now.
deep and sexay voice jasmine,deep and sexay voice. hahahaha.

gnite y'all.
:D xin nian kuai le! haahah damn its been a really long time since i last spoke chinese. whahaha.

2007-02-16T15:31:00.000+08:00

today was really really slack! hahaha.
somehow things just felt a little out of place and everything…well yeah… I didn’t make it to work in time cus the bus was taking so long la! like really really long! 3o mins and still it didn’t come..there you go! was just about to flag a cab,when this guy Justin called in from café cartel and told me that he’d be able to replace me,so hey! why not! id have plenty of time to settle things… hahaha.

did you watch the vid I posted on my last entry? if you didn’t,go watch it today. I pray that it touches you as much as it did to me! its really awesome la,how i came across this vid…you’d have to find out from me yourself aye. :D hee.
even as I listened to it over and over again, it never ceases to assure me of how much god values you,me,us… for everything that we are…including our imperfections,our shortcomings. and he longs and desires to be your everything. he doesn’t just want to be a part of your life. he wants to BE your life. cus in him there is life,and life in abundance.
god stirred up something inside of me that can never be taken away.
a simple yet powerful reminder of how god’s love for us never ceases,despite the ups and downs that we go through in life.

in my darkest hour lord, you are the light that drives away my fear and casts aside my inhibitions.
In you presence I stand tall.

neither height nor depth
neither life nor death
neither the angels above nor the demons beneath
can separate us from the love that is in Christ Jesus

so lord take your rightful place in my heart
cause my spirit to sing of your greatness all day long

2007-02-15T15:18:00.000+08:00

sup …! happy valentine’s y’all … :D
aight…JAE’s finally been submitted..hah.. my first three options include…

1) business studies in NP
2) business IT in NP
3) financial business infomatics in TP.

yeah,so there you go! ^^ Decided against appealing for Mass comm thru JPSAE at temasek poly… pray that I’ll fall into either of the these three courses! got up this morn feeling a little flustered-for various reasons luh. difficult time deciding where to go,what to do and everything today… shit I just don’t like it when there’s like a thousand and one other things I could do within a day, and I have to decide on one. wa! the sucky part is, I cant oblige everyone. and in the process, I don’t wanna piss anyone else either la! shoots! hahaha.

so tanning it was,with brandon and weiquan at palawan. was supposed to go out wit tomato later in the evening… and no,its not exactly a date la! Im just meeting her on valentine’s,that’s just about it. that,and the fact that… don’t tell you! hahaha. no la, nothin’s gg on aight … heh… aint gon be anything exciting for you to talk about btwn your friends … :D hee! she got caught up with stuff at work as well so I didn’t go out wit her anyway… hahaha.. the weather was ay-okay today! that big ol orange ball was high up,shining ever so brightly without a hint whatsoever of rain! whoosa. heh heh..

the tan was alright I gues… not exactly what id like,but good nonetheless. my only regret tho, is that I didn’t go to school to stop by choir … cus otherwise I would have gotten a vday present. :D hahaha.
heh everywhere I went today id see couples…. or guys anxiously holding on to their bunch of roses on the train,in the buses… yeah. let’s all face it,you who doesent have a valentine for today… are you envious? or… in one way or another,tempted? perhaps you’re longing for that special someone to cross your path. I don’t know! what’s on your mind? or should I say…what’s really in your heart? you’re either looking forward to it for some reason, or you’re not looking forward to it. for some reason also. hahaha. of course,some just take it to be any other day.whatever it is…
I don’t have a date. im not perfectly sure that special someone has crossed paths with me either.truth be told, I don’t really know what’s in my heart! I don’t kno for sure if there’s a certain gal I like. I cant say for certain either that she’s the one I truly love! all alone this valentine’s? nope! dont think so. heh.

loneliness,I think,is but a deceptive term used by satan to kick in unrighteous desires and earthly temptations. loneliness is what we use consciously or unconciously to reflect the inner heartcry for a void to be filled.loneliness tells you that your life is not complete without that special someone,that untill he or she crosses your path, your life is anything but whole and fufilled. loneliness breathes into you a poison that subtly,but surely, gives you the idea that you really cannot live without tht person,or someone by your side. loneliness eventually causes your heart to bleed in craving for something or someone that eventually doesn’t come by. at least untill it does, it just eats into you. this valentine’s, and even in the days to come… know that you’re not alone,and will never be.

I know ive got jesus christ. and he’s my hot date today. (:
im sure many of you out there would have come across the story titled footprints? It’s a really short story, ive read it many times over… and it never fails to assure me that even in my darkest hour, when I feel that im down to nothing, all alone and left to bleed silently to death(that’s just an analogy ah. hahaha) jesus,tho not walking with me,neither walking by my side,behind me, in front of me… heh,oops. im not even walking. cause he’s carrying me. read it again,tho you’ve read it many times alr! and picture in your heart Jesus in all human form… carrying you, your burdens. Your pain. your hurt. Your anger. now he’s not just had to carry one person’s burdens! he’s had to carry that of every other person that lives and breathes. he’d taken it all upon himself that he may fufill god’s will and carry out the ultimate, perfect act of love for YOU.

so today regardless of whether you have a date or not,let us not forget our first love. come back to the father,cus in his embrace strength can be found to endure,renew,assure,comfort,console,heal…

Jesus is the perfect example of love and love at its greatest.

Jesus loves me this I know
For the bible tells me so
Little ones to him belong
They are weak but HE is strong!

Yes Jesus loves Me
Yes Jesus loves Me
Yes Jesus loves Me
The bible tells me so

I love you Jesus
Deep down in my heart
I love you Jesus
Deep down in my heart

talk about deep,deep
down,down
deep down in my heart
talk about deep,deep
down,down
deep down in my heart.

and so i sing unto you a love song
for i know that without you i am nothing,but with you i have everything. (:

id actually recorded something for you guys. but eventually i realised it sounded bad. so here's something that's a billion and one times better. be your everything. god's words to you. (;

2007-02-14T11:37:00.000+08:00

Randomness. hahaha. x)
RAWR! pay cheque for Jan came in early! Adrian passed it to me this afternoon,and its like,so pathetic la! :O
brandon told me that starbucks at bishan's hiring. for like 6 per hour. hmmmmm. heh! :D im still deciding lah.
haha adrian's been forced to clear his leave ... he's got like 42 days la! wa!
my bro's away in the US... which explains why we had a really really, really early reunion dinner last sunday. and since he's away... i figure the playstation 2's all mine aye? :D hahaha.

im still deciding on my courses.... ive got like 6 so far. so i'll need at least four other alternatives? and i havent even gotten down to ranking them yet. rahhh. i just cant decide la! god i pray you'll show me the path that im meant to walk. i'll surrender completely to your guidance and directions. cause only you know what's best for me. and i'll go wherever you call me to.

not my will but yours be done.

right,from what i know DE tribe's having talks about forming a band... hmmm. id really like to play luhs.
ive always wanted to do something like this after all.
alota people in queue for positions in the band alr tho.
*SHRUGS* hahaha. donno luhs. gues i'll have to see how things go.

boring!

i wanna play ball! like now! pssssh.

2007-02-13T02:15:00.000+08:00

'Teenage alcoholism might not be a huge problem here in singapore but with growing affluence,there is a trend towards a steady increase in alcohol consumption.And with the rise in alcohol consumption follows a proportionate rise in the rate of alcoholism. It might not be a worrying statistic to some,but when the scenario includes a substantial percentage of teenagers,then it's time to sit up and take notice. A survey done by the Straits Times also showed that half of the 20 teens that were interviewed(aged between 13 and 17) said that a little alcohol was not a big deal.To them,as long as it's done in moderation,drinking is not necessarily a bad thing.what's causing a stir though is that teenagers are pushing for the drinking age to be lowered from the current 18 to 16 years old' Source taken from Teenage.

let's all be real with ourselves here. if you're taking alcohol and ure under 16,chances are... you're trying to prove a point.
what's really a cause of concern here is the mindset that most teenagers have taken toward drinking... but beyond that there's also the issue of health concerns. what we dont realise is that at this stage,our bodies are not exactly able to tolerate things like vodka,(what most teenagers go for) which is hard liquor. the lesser the percentage of alcohol content doesnt mean the less likely you are to get high and knocked out. hahaha. most teenagers drink without acknowledging the health risks that come with alcohol consumption and the wrong mindset. alcohol becomes just a medium through which they are really trying to achieve something else.
some things, in and of themselves are not wrong or harmful. its only when you cross a limit and things begin to spiral out of control. and most of the time a bloody thin line sperates the two.hahaha. know where you stand. (:

2007-02-12T14:27:00.001+08:00

SUP! :D superbest friend. A combined effort today by the DE tribe,and a blessing to each of us in the tribe in one way or another. for those of us who were there,my prayer's that all of you caught what the event wanted to bring out… that being a superfriend is not about exaggerating your identity or suppressing who you really are just to find your place in that person's heart.it was something i could really identify with. cus there are times when we feel our personalities are not 'super' enough to match up with someone else's ... reality slaps you in the face and you find that there are so many people out there who can do the things that you can do,perhaps even do them better. there are so many people out there who are just like you, and MORE!what you have to give,others can give ten times. sometimes in trying to be extraordianary we fall short of what we've set for ourselves and end up feeling even worst.
our repeated efforts reflect only the insecurities inside us...

there are many thoughts that id gathered based on what was shared... but right here and now id just like to encourage all of you reading that we are all that god has created us to be,nothing less. take heart in that fact alone cus just to know that you have a living relationship to that someone who will always be there in your times of hurt and pain, your struggles and your shame... you dont need to hide who you really are,whoever you're with.

whatever happened today... i believe enough has been said. we all know who we are and what we've said and done. like bj said, god knows what our intentions and the heart behind our actions really are... and this whole episode reflects that our hearts need to be set right again.in retrospect none of us should be pointing the blame at any one else but ourselves,cus its not about who did what,or who said this, and how someone else reacted like that. its about what's really in our heart,cus our actions that day reflected it clearly enough. we're all cool tho,right? we love each other much. its a lesson learnt, and a point of reflection. for ALL of us.

2007-02-10T02:27:00.000+08:00

the results have been released at last … :D
prior to that just before the day of release many of us prob freaked out at the reality that the results were coming out in just a day or two… we’ve either attended the JC trials, or been to all the poly openhouses. some of us never really did give a thought to where the post-secondary path you’ve carved out for yourself would lead … some have given it much thought, and after much deliberation you prob alr know what you want for yourself. Im sure tho,that in one way or another all of us have given,in the least bit, a slightest thought to what life after o’s was gonna be for us. if you havent, hey- get on the last train home to reality where you really belong before its too late,for your own good. (:

After much thought I found that my grades added up to quite a decent grade after all… despite the initial disappointments.
Yeah. so its 16 for R4. i previously read it to be 16 for R5. some modules allow you to sub cca in tho,so that would give me a better score of 11. some modules only allow you to minus your cca,so I figure 14 at best? so there you go … retard momment. heh ^^ didn’t qualify for JC.and I thot id done so bloody well when Id actually deserved a lesser score.hahaha.
I expected a better grade for english. perhaps everyone would have expected that… it just didn’t work out the way id wanted it to la. so id have to settle for three. *shrugs* apparently god has pointed the way to poly … so now its just a qtn of which poly to aptly suit the courses im interested in… pray that god shows me the way and clearly directs me acc to the purpose that he has called me to. taking me out of my disappointments god reminded me of this verse in romans 8:28…
‘And we know that in all things god works for the good of those who love him,who have been called according to his purpose’ this verse stuck a chord in me during word encounter,and I felt the need to highlight it then,though not clearly knowing why. Id always thought that this was what I alrd knew! why was there a need to take a closer look at it? why did god bring me to this verse of all things? And so today it has come into full view what god had really wanted to stir up within me by bringing me to this verse. My son,when you read these words, and declare it aloud,as they depart from your lips,how much in your heart do you really believe it? it came at a time where I was feeling disappointed,inferior,afraid perhaps. Id qualify for many many courses including those that id had an interest to pursue! but nothing could change the disappointments that had set in,that I could have done that much better and I didn’t.
even as I was sharing during core group meeting … god pointed out to me that he has been faithful in every phase of my life, in every situation,every circumstance. give thanks in all circumstances! hahaha. now just how many of us can safely say that we are able to do that all the time minus the struggles,the wrestling with the will and what god really wants for us?
god never said give thanks when I have done something good in your life. god asks for us to give thanks in ALL circumstances. including those by which you fail, you stumble, you struggle. including the times where you are hurt,in pain,disappointed,rejected,alone. all circumstances. every day you’re alive,there’s still something to be thankful for.

My son,how much do you really believe that I will be faithful as ive always been to you?

so take me as you find me
all my fears and failures
fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

to those of you who have done well for your o’s … I ask that you thank god for he has blessed you according to the effort that you have in. I felt the need to share what god revealed to me today. its not really about what grades you get, that’s just another external factor,its not about what people think based on the results that you get.thats an inaccurate measure of god’s faithfulness to you. look within yourself, and reflect on how you’ve worked toward this day. and you will realise that god has been ten times more faithful to you thn you deserve. (:

2007-02-09T13:11:00.000+08:00

Searching the world the lost will be found
the freedom we live is one we cry out

GAHH! xD bloody freaked now ... the results will be released in no time at all...
I dare not ask for much. the flesh seeks to quench its mortal desires but i ask only that god's will be done.
there's a whole lota people im gonna nd to ring up tmw after i get the results...
i pray that i have something positive to say to them.

there he sits,staring into the vastness of the skies and admiring the bright diamond specks that adorn it,marvelling at the works of His hands.

Let loose and holler.

2007-02-09T10:51:00.000+08:00

this vid's bloody cool la! rocks my socks! :D

*** got me all pissed today. heck,im just gonna let this hang.
You're a bloody waste of my time. that's just the way it is.

there you go. the pressure that comes along with all of this... i have to say i shouldve been better prepared.

2007-02-08T05:14:00.000+08:00

Randomness.
hahaha. was chatting with chuanlian and we were talking about how guys are well versed in this… esp toward gals.
take text messeging. *beep!* Guy says to gal ‘hey! how was school today? I went to play ball with the guys … haha.. and I was not exactly on form today .. hmm.. i should train more …’
yeah some of us are guilty of this … tho none would prefer to admit. hahaha.
now just what do you expect the gal to say…?
I suggest. (;
Gal says to guy ‘school was fine! so much homework today… I don’t think I have time to train you.’
Or….
‘school was fine! oh okay! go train! Shoo!’
‘orh. then?’
heh … ^^ a little sarcasm and there lurhs… but it really brings out a point.
Gals are guilty of this as well la! hahaha.
truth be told, when you’re trying to hit on a gal(not hit a gal)… they don’t really care if you’re not on form when you played bball with your guys today … or if you even played ball to begin with … that’s not in the least bit the ideal way to strike up a conversation with a gal. (;

not going into details.

haha ive taken a very different perspective toward this whole idea of courtship and dating ... and no,it didnt come easy. for what its worth tho ...im just that much different now.do i know what i really want in a gal? id have to say no. these things change ... i never really know what i want untill god reveals it to me. a pre-requisite tho,is that she has to love god like i do. in the least,she has to be open to the idea.so there you go! (; HAHA.

all this aside ... the o level results are slated to be released in 2 days. that being said, i really dont kno how i ought to feel. nervous... nerve-wrecked... anxious...excited... hahaha. you see,the thing is... im feeling a little of everything la! wahs! an anomally of the highest degree. haha. im not exactly excited for one reason and one reason only. relatives. hahah. its an inevitable,sad reality that people are always going to compare you with someone else. even if they dont,you know they're talking about you behind your back. well,not all of them are like so... but... just a one or two would be enough to irritate the shit out of me really! haha.enough said.

i believe that god's will is gonna be established tho, and with that i have no complaints. :D this time last yr i was still finding my place, now ive found it in god's presence and before his covenant everything else is less important. i find my rest in the knowledge that we have a god who knows what's best for us and has our best interests at heart.

PAYCHECK! 8 days to go! im counting down alr. heh. i doubt its gonna be enough! the top ten chart stating what i'll be using the cash for is just... not for the faint hearted. (;

there are so many things im looking forward to this yr! take movies for example. there's spiderman 3. 3000. TMNT.Transformers. hahaha. and of course... for god to continue to work in me and through me to be a 'pastor' in my marketplace.wherever that is. hahaha.

2007-02-05T04:38:00.000+08:00

ah yes ... the pictures are finally uploaded. the guys made a pact to be in really formal attire for lord's supper;aka holy communion today ... depending on how you look at it... i thought it was a great idea if our hearts were set right to begin with. (:
to do business with god,we say.

bj,xunfu,clement and myself were the ones closest to full formal attire ...
and so for your viewing pleasure, the four sauve gentlemen of DE tribe. (;

hahaha ... the Il divo of Max pavillion ... *gags* :D

speaking of Il divo, i think they've got really [power!] vocals la!

everyone was looking at us when we walked in for PE classes this morn la! haha! cus bj,bjorn,eugene and myself were the only ones who went for classes and were like super formal? so yeah ... after class bj and i went to get this ultraman cake for Bjorn ... LOL. my idea. ;P
we were just screening through la,then it caught my attention.so what to do? hahaha. anyway,we made him pose with the ultraman on the cake and snapped a picture of it... why is it not uploaded here? you ask. suffice it to say that i dont want him to come after my ass. haha! right, so here's another one for your viewing pleasure... pictured are:darren,xunfu,clement,me,gavin,bjorn ng,Ps Evelyn,Dylan,Ps Danny,Bjorn Liu,Kevin,Eugene,Lionel,and Jing Jie.

shouldnt have carried that converse bag luhs ... spolier ^^ its not in the pictures tho. so i maintain that i still look suave and gentleman. hee!
Lionel:EH! EH! What are you trying to do?!

haha... i was just thinking ... eugene stayed at my place after word encounter on saturday night ... so i lent him a shirt to wear and it actually was quite a good fit la! wa! lost my other black tie though ... =/ stayed up till around one plus digging out ss notes and everything for bj ... was quite tired after the whole sanification week so i decided to crash early and do reflection either today or tmw... pray that i will remember ... ^^ will share about word encounter in a later entry ... today was my bro's bdae(and the second leg of the Asean football championship which witnessed the clash of the thais and the sings!)we went to this place called the Mango Tree @ ECP... it was a south indian cuisine restaurant i think ... the food was relatively good! three and a half to four stars for the food, three for the ambience. (;

this was taken just outside,along the shore ... hey im in full black la! hahaha! and it was dark ... so this picture is crap,but hey,its got me in it.... xD

now that's way better ... and this just in ... another cause for celebration cus singapore has prevailed! the thais looked so depressed. all of them had this -.- face... two powerful goals on both ends ... i managed to rush home in time for the second half of the game ... well then! gonna run now so i'll be posting more about the last week in time to come! (;

shalom

2007-02-04T14:00:00.000+08:00

With the fufillment of god's grace comes the revelation of truth.
this was the word that god gave me during sanification week,on the very first day.
'but he said to me"my grace is sufficient for you,for my power is made perfect in weakness."therefore i will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,so that Christ's power may rest on me.' 2 corinthians 12:9
indeed,it is through the fufuillment of god's grace to us that we no longer are slaves to our weak selves,not in the flesh,because our mortal bodies are not eternal,and god is eternal. but rather in our spritual being we are far stronger because we have a god who sustains us through every circumstance.
ive always felt inferior ... its something not alot of people would know about,but its always been a deep seated struggle.
there are alot of things ive always wanted to change about myself ... ive come to realise tho,that not only does god love me just the way i am,he had created me to begin with and therefore he takes pride in every intricate detail that is his creation. even the ones that cause me to feel inferior,the ones that i want to change. we all have our imperfections, and that's what god is for dont you think?
one other thing god impressed upon my heart was when PS Julie spoke about being IN the world,yet not OF the world.
this has been my stronghold for as long as i can remember! haha! and she brought out a point about this being an impossible thing to achieve without foundational strength in god's word of truth. this really struck a chord in me!
during alter call PS eugene spoke three words to us at the alter that caused me to break down and tear...

'Son,Ive missed You...'

it was as if the words were so gently whispered into my spirit it breathed into me such an overwhelming emotion that flowed endlessly.
it was a call back to his presence. one day without reading his word,one day without soaking in His powerful presence,and god misses you so greatly!

A heart that hungers,thirsts, and is ready and prepared.

Also,PS spoke about a time when passionate pursuits result in uncontrolled rebellion.
so many times have i been deceived into thinking that the things i do would redeem me from my sense of inferiority and lonliness ... in my foolish pursuits i have forsaken my first love,and this really convicted me as well!

'seek first his kingdom and his righteousness...'

sanification week spoke alot to me ... and i cannot begin to tell you of how incredible an experience it was!
and as i share ... my prayer is that all of you reading,christians or not,will be blessed in one way or another!
PS Danny said,'wherever you want to meet god is where he will be'

'How much you desire to seek god,is how much he will reveal himself to you.'

2007-01-31T14:15:00.000+08:00

uber bored today la! hahaha.
my mind's becoming super idle can! i need to readddddddddddd.
andddd. i neeeeeed to gooooo sentooosaaaaa like,really soon! lOls.
all the shit boredom can do to your brain.its just scary la.
heh been thinking about my secondary school life ... all the crazy stuff we'd say and do luhs.
in sec one i came in and the general perception of everybody toward me was that i was this quiet,innocent BOY.
LOL.whateverrr happened to that? (; thats for me to know and you to find out. hahaha.
the truth is... i really never found much to be thankful for in my four years in this school... cus its in us as human beings given our level of intelligence and intellect to compare ... and so ive compared and realised that things could have been so much better... as much as i try to resist that urge in me to go against the flesh,it just takes over sometimes and i find myself asking why things couldnt have turned out differently...then again,who really decides the outcome? god? Myself? Or those around myself?
if any of the above factors had decided to do something differently, how would things change?

how does one find a sense of contentment amidst a world of irreversible realities?

sometimes i feel like ive tried too hard to fit in, when all god has ever wanted for me was to stand out.
the things of this world just seemed too appealing to resist!there will come a time when we will all look back at the things we've done in our lives, the decisions we've made, the things we've said and done, the things that we've so foolishly gone in pursuit of,the cravings and desires we have given up god's best in our lives for...

'seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,and all these things will be added on to you.'

'but thanks be to god,who always leads us in triumphal procession and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of HIM' 2cor 2:14

shalom.